Jul 15, 2007

Top Chef 3: Teaming Building Exorcists

Another beautiful morning dawns for our cheftestants
The ladies first bathe
Then apply their makeup
Casey practices yoga while preparing breakfast

Then the chefs tumble in to work.

After the Quickfire Challenge, which Casey won, our lush-ious Padma couldn't leave well enough alone. She just had to have another taste of that nice drink from Bombay.

She might have had one too many, for she accidentally introduced The Chaîne des Rôtisseurs as men in chains. Shit, Tom thought. I shoulda brought my Mr. T set. I woulda fit right in.




Wonder if my new pin would look too gaudy with that cute chain, thought Padma, imagining herself wearing the outfit and wondering where she could get a nice rack like that.

The chefs had to sort into teams of three. After a group hug, they couldn't decide, so they ...

kick boxed and ...
cat fought their way onto their teams.

Wouldn't you know, thought Casey, still recovering from having half her hair pulled out. I get stuck with the numnut twins. Well I have immunity. I can sit and relax. I'll just leave my tuna raw.
Like hell you will, Casey. You do as I say and say as I do then do as I do. Capiche?
Er, like, naw!

Joey's Theme Song arrived in time for his next tantrum. Click here and listen, as viewing the clip just won't make sense.
You think you've got it bad, you big baby, what about my situation? Camille thought. I'm stuck making a dessert out of pineapples and no one on my team knows my name.


So this is what you do, y'all. Ya gotta get that prickly skin off. That's tough, man. Then you gotta slice it and dice it. That's all I know.

Whaddayamean that's all you know, Dale? You talked us into making dessert!

Hey, we're chefs. We're taking a risk here! So, don't give me no guff. Just open up a can of Dole, drain the juice, and stick it under a whole wheat muffin, Camille, and call it an upsidedownsicle. The judges will never taste the difference. They'll be too full by the time they get to dessert to even notice.

The judges were indeed full, loving the shrimp, liking the beef, hating the raw tuna, and wondering if Dole was supposed to get product placement on the show.

At the end, they voted Pippi Lia-stocking's poached shrimp best in show. So she won! But Lia felt a bit miffed. Trip to the Hamptons? WhereTF are my free cookbooks!

Then they called in the trichinosis gang and pineapple dudes, and told them they were bad, awful, pathetic, but that Casey's was the worst so she had to go.

But I have immunity, she wailed. And I'm so sorry for letting everyone down. I shoulda done some work.

That's ok, said Padma, still feeling the sweet effects of that nice drink from Bombay. No one knows what what's her face's name is, we'll boot her off instead. Bye, who ever you are, pack up your knives and go!
If you'd bothered to even say boo, you would have liked me, really really liked me.

Yeah, well, too late now.
So long. Sayonara. Adios. Ciao. Tot siens! Ta ta. Bai Bai.

Ah, stuff it! I look nice in a bikini and you don't.

5 comments:

eric3000 said...

Seriously, no cookbooks? Lia got screwed! LOL!

ArtfulSub said...

I gave Brian Malarkey some leadership points in directing team-shrimp.

1) Quickly made the correct decision to make the Scallops-to-Shrimp switch and stifled Hung's whining.

2) Formulated the flavor-progression of the 3 items. And willingly took the simplest on himself.

3) Helped Lia with her dish and tried to help Hung with his.

4) Took charge of the service sequence.

In the real world, a Top-Chef is a leader.

Marius said...

First, I just have to say that I love how you managed to include a clip of Raquel Welch in your recap. She beats the spice girls any day. Well done!

And, yes, Joey is a big baby. The guy can't handle criticism. Grow up, Joey!

The Big Shamu said...

Have to agree about Team Tuna, what the hell was Casey supposed to do? She has immunity, she's with two guys who don't want any of her suggestions, used up all the soy sauce (however taste your own damn food and fix it)and blew up at the mildest of questions from Colicchio? No way she can win in that instance.

Ms. Place said...

Yeah, Art, Brian was a leader. I think he will go far in this competition. The refrain now is: Cook some meat, Brian!

Joey's such a crybaby, Marius. I'm so glad A. Bourdain said the same thing, because a leader needs to be able to take criticism as well as dish it out.

And, Shamu, precisely. What was Casey supposed to do? I wanted to find a picture of her calmly eating while Joey and Howie were going crazy. Still, raw tuna should be flavored. She dropped the ball...but then, wasn't it divine justice that she was paired up with the numnut twins?