A Woman Won on Top Chef, Kinda Sorta

Meet Fan Fave Casey.

Congrats, dahling. It's good to see a woman win something on TC, if only a popularity contest.

Kitchen Nightmares

Top Chef is over, and I’m not feeling withdrawal symptoms. That’s because FOX will be showing the fourth installment of Kitchen Nightmares starring Gordon Ramsay. This momentous event occurs every Wednesday at 9 PM EST.

In this reality based show, our shouting chef Gordo fixes ailing restaurants, and the results are riveting. Before tasting the food in one of these godawful restaurants, Gordo says this little prayer: "May the lord above not poison me." When he viewed a vegetable samosa at Dillon's, Gordo's reaction was priceless: "It looks like a dehydrated turd." Hah!

However, not everyone is as enamored of the new series as moi. Reality TV Calendar disses the American version of this BBC show, saying,

Watching this week's FOX show, I felt a little underestimated as a viewer. FOX assumes that people are tuning in only for the temper tantrums and that we want to see the exact same things several times in an episode. And considering the general audience - American triple-bacon-extra-cheesy-burger-eaters - they are probably right from a marketing standpoint. I'm not sure that most Americans really care about the business aspects of the show - they really are only there to see Ramsay bite off the heads of lazy managers, unambitious chefs and neglectful owners.

The author has a point. I think this show could survive without the “Dumbing Down for America" touches. Regardless of the FOX producers shenanigans, Gordo demonstrates the following qualities as he makes over restaurants that are on the brink of closing:

• He has taste in decorating interiors
  
• He has moxie
• He knows the restaurant business, including customer preferences
  
• He knows food
• He has a no nonsense management style in the kitchen
• He can and will fire bad employees

I adore this show. In the first episode, Gordo slaps “Peter,” of Peter’s Restaurant down, telling the overgrown, self-important bully to grow up, stop wasting precious resources (like taking money out of the till) and “work” for a living. In the second episode, which I found difficult to watch because of the roaches and filthy restaurant conditions, Gordo actually saved diners’ lives. Well, he potentially saved diners’ lives. The only reason Dillon's, the Indian/American restaurant in question, was allowed to serve food to unsuspecting diners was because the New York City Department of Health failed to do its job. And that scares the pants off me considering how often I've eaten in NYC.

I did not pay as much attention to the third installment of this show (The Mixing Bowl) because as I was watching it, I was preparing for Top Chef the Finale. FOX is playing it smart, however, – you can view the episodes you missed on their site for free. Yes, dahlings, FREE. That is a word that warms the cockles of my thrifty Dutch heart.

So, as you wait to watch the Top Chef reunion and to see who won Fan Fave, turn your dial to FOX and watch our bleeping, foul-mouthed Gordo in action. It's worth an hour of your time.

Click here to watch the videos of the previous three Kitchen Nightmare episodes.

Top Chef 3: Another Male Wins the Title

Hung won the whole enchilada. In the finale he won the Top Chef crown fair and square with his fabulous dishes, including a chocolate cake dessert that he created in high altitude. Casey choked and Dale created a dish that was nearly inedible: so it made sense for Hung to win. However, by no stretch of the imagination does Hung deserve the title of top chef. The man can COOK, he CANNOT lead.

Besides, it's time a female, any female, won a Top Chef competition. Sorry, but I'm feeling peevish. Doesn't our fair sex comprise 50% of the population? So why is Chloe Dao of Project Runway Season Two the only female winner of a Bravo reality show?

I believe that female brains, talents, and abilities are equal to the men's. Oh, guys might have more muscle, but we have more stamina (one word: childbirth). So let's stop quibbling about men being better than women, especially in the kitchen. BULLSHIT.

Next time, Bravo, choose your female contestants with a more discerning eye. Third male chef winner? Pshaww!

Update: George's wise comments provide a thoughtful rebuttal to my take on Hung. He's almost got me convinced.

Final Top Chef 3

Meet Todd English

Dale's prep bitch.

Look Who Won, Dahlings.

OMG Hung, We WON!!!

Hung's duck tipped the decision for the judges.

But Dale's lamb nearly stole the show.

Casey overcooked her pork belly.
We're so sorry you lost, my dear, but at least the viewers voted for you in tonight's poll.

Hey, don't we get a mention?

Toooniight! Top Chef 3 Winner.

Choose, Dumplings. Be fearless and predict the winner.

Winner of Top Chef
	Casey
	Dale
	Hung
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Let the fish fry begin!

Preview Clip of Top Chef Finale

OK, I'll bite. Bravo sent me this preview clip. I normally don't show them, but here goes. We are FINALLY getting to the end of this long-winded show. I'll be happy if either Casey or Hung wins, though Dale should win the popularity award.

Click here.

Top Chef 3: This Has Been a Long Run

I thought this series would never end. TC 3 started with two too many chefs and had two too many breaks. The show should have wrapped up by labor day. But, cheers! The end is in sight. Yeah! Pretty soon we'll know who the winner is: Casey, Hung, or Dale.

So on last Wednesday's show Bravo flew our merry band in a hot air balloon over Snowmass and dropped them unceremoniously in a slanted meadow full of weeds and rabbit holes and cowpies the size of buffalo burgers. A smiling Eric Ripert awaited them. He waved them over to some frying pans and rickety camp stoves, then lifted a hefty brace of trout as Padma told our disgruntled chefs that they had 20 minutes to complete the Frying Pan River Quickfire Challenge. “Good luck,” said Eric, with a twisted smile. “Yoo are going to need eet.”

And how.

Brian dropped the trout in the grass, muttering “I’m not having clarity. This kinda sucks.”
Meanwhile, Hung finished his trout five minutes early, and began to whistle while he waited.

Casey, looking surprised, commented. “Uh, you already done, Dude?”

“Uh, like, yeah, Bitch,” thought Hung. He knew his dish was awesome but a cold wind was a blowin’ and now he was worried the fish would get cold while the others dilly dallied.

“Dayum, I can’t cook out in the open,” thought Dale, feeling his heart creep up to his throat. “My inner chef has just reemerged an’ this is no time to choke!”

Hung just hung around and waited. And waited. And waited. “Ding!” went the bell. At that moment Hung realized he’d forgotten the friggin lemon juice. "Sheeeit," he exclaimed, then said, "Oh well." Half his dish was better than the three others' combined.

Brian knew his dish was horrible, but since trout was not a seafood, he figured he’d be safe.

After tasting all four dishes, Eric Ripert declared Brian’s and Dale’s the worst. “Dale,” he said in his best French accent, “Zee Cayenne stuck een my troat.”

“Yeah, that and my heart,” thought Dale morosely.

“An Bri yenne, your SALADE eet taste ted like zee grasse een zee feelds. Dere waz no taste too eet. Eet waz owhfull. Derefore ah choose Hung and Cazeee to ween. But Hung, yooo shooold ‘ave used zee lemon, no?”

“No?” said Hung, confused. “Er, Eric, I already left the lemon out.”

“Yes,” said Eric. “That’s a no-no.”

Eric then turned to Casey and smiled. And smiled. And smiled, showing off his pearly white Gallic teeth.

“Cazeeee, I deeclare yoo zee winner.”

Casey was overcome with emotion. “Wheeee! That hunk chose me above all the other women! And then she thought, "Wait, I AM the only woman left standing. Sheeeit!”

But Eric was too busy smiling at Casey to notice her disappointment.

Meanwhile Hung looked intently at the camera and intoned, “I tasted Casey’s dish and I think mine is more refined.” Yeah, sure, Hung, and so’s your monkey.

Since this recap is getting long we’ll just skip quickly over the elimination challenge. Let’s just say that some cute lil’ ol’ Elk got all chopped up and had the bejeezus cooked out of its gamy self by our four cheftestants. Then 45 hungry cowpokes and cowgirls ambled in with their plastic plates and plastic forks and plastic spoons and paper napkins to taste gourmet elk.

“Ooooweee,” said one, impressed by Brian’s Honkey Tonk Whiskey River Drunken Elk Shank. “None of our elk tastes as good as this.”

But the judges, looking at the tacky dinnerware, were in a sour mood. “We’re gonna be tough. We’re gonna be diggin.’ And these cheftestants had better be perfect to make up for all these dinky oil-based utensils we’re forced to eat with.”

After Brian was through heaping Padma’s plate with sprouts, asparagus, almonds, and the kitchen sink, he pointed to two HUGE hunks of cheese. “Go slice yourself some smelly roquefort or gorgonzola. You decide. My brain is too full at this point. Besides, I feel good about my performance.”

(In the background, the angels of doom began to sing once again. Uh oh, I said to myself. Bri’s a goner.)

Our cheftestants then trotted in front of the judges. “If Bravo forces me to eat with a dinky plastic fork on a lousy plastic plate again,, I’m tendering my resignation,” said Gail, eyeing Brian balefully, for his 40 ingredients had been toughest to eat with the faux cutlery and dinnerware.

“Basically all of y’all’s dishes were pretty good, so we can’t decide who gets cut,” said Tom. “So tell us why you want to cook and then maybe one of y’all will mess up and help us decide.”

“Well,” said Dale, “I worked in one of the top 20 restaurants and then it closed and then my dream job slipped through my hands and then I lost my partner, that was a bitch, and then I lost myself, but then I found myself again, and then I was like reborn, and now I can cook again. I want to cook for all of the beautiful people in the world. Oh, and I’m for world peace.”

“I worked my ass off, “ said Casey, sparking Eric’s interest. “I work morning noon and night in the coolest restaurant, and I’m still young so you’ll get a lot of publicity mileage outta me, and I have so much to show and give, and I stand behind my dishes. I’ll even stand on them if you’ll let me. I love making people like Eric smile. Oh, yes, and I’m for stopping all wars and giving leftovers to all the little children of the world.”


Hung took a deep breath. “My daddy crawled all the way over to America from Vietnam over the water and through the woods and to someone’s grandmother’s house. Then he sent for my family, my mother, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, second cousins twice removed but who still have a drop of our family blood line in them, neighbors who didn’t give a shit, and all the cows, chickens, and pigs in our small village, and then we came to America and cooked. We cooked with soul, the kind of soul that Ray Charles could only dream about, and our soul food fed the souls of our extended family. Without food I’d have no soul. I must win, or half the Vietnamese counted in the 2000 Census will starve, for if I don’t win, I won’t cook again, and then who will feed Vietnamese soul food to all my kith and kin? Such a development would wreak havoc in our world, and that would be bad, since I’m for World Peace too. Oh, and I intend to win with grace and style and finesse.”

Well, by now y’all must be tired of listening to all this bull crap, said Bri, so I’ll cut to the chase. I want to win for me, my wife, and our precious dog. I would like to take the money and buy a maserati and then go on a nice cruise, where I can put on my party hat and cook food for entertainment, I think I’m pretty entertaining and I think that once you know how entertaining I can be and how long my conga lines are, you will vote for me. Oh, and if I win all that money, I will purchase better quality hats. I know you’ve been thinking they’re an eyesore.

After the cheftestants shuffled out, Gail spoke up immediately. “I liked Dale’s speech. He made me cry.”

“Hung’s was not so successful,” said Tom. “It lacked soul.”

“Cazeee, sheee eees beeyooteefool, no?” said Eric, “Eye vuld let hair stand on my plates anee time.”

Well, I liked Brian’s reasoning the most,” said Padma. “Cruises are fun, and I love conga lines.”

The judges discussed the speeches a little longer, and threw in their opinions about the food. After some deliberation they gave Dale the win and Brian the boot. The discerning viewer could see a sheer moment of “WTF?” in Brian’s expression, before he took the decision like a man and hugged the cheftestants. Then he walked off into the sunset.

As for Dale, he’d found his inner chef, and declared to one and all that he was ready to kick ass in the finale. "I've got me a fast moon a risin'," he crowed.

And me? I'm ready to have it all end this week. How about you?

Top Chef 3: The Final Three

Oh, my, talk about being blindsided! Dale not only won the elimination challenge, he kicked ass with the huckleberry/blackberry sauce for his elk. Not only is Dale going to the finals, but he outperformed Brian. That truly surprised me.

Casey's Elk looked awfully raw and the judges did not like her cauliflower puree, but she is going on. Her Quickfire Challenge win was well-deserved, and it placed her in a position of strength for the Elimination Challenges
Hung, our kitchen precisionist, talked the most eloquently about what it meant to be a chef. Let's hope he is able to rise to the occasion next week and put both heart and soul into the final challenge.

And that leads us to the other huge surprise: Three chefs will be competing in the finals. My oh my oh my. I couldn't have been more wrong in my previous post than if I tried. I was certain Dale would leave and that only two chefs would make it to the finale.

Who Will Be The Final Two Top Chefs Standing?

You can vote for more than one chef.

Who Will Be The Final Two?
	Casey
	Brian
	Hung
	Dale
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Can't get enough of Top Chef these last few weeks? In addition to the usual suspects of Amuse Biatch, Blogging Top Chef, and Top Chef: They Cook, We Dish, have you hopped over to Blog by Cosmo Marius and Eric Three Thousand. Their takes on last week are especially enlightening.

Ms. Place's Ideal Date

Handsome, studly, must be willing to hunt, gather, and cook. Must love the great outdoors, clean up well and be willing to provide a romantic atmosphere. Too bad this catch of the day, Eric Ripert and guest TC3 judge, is married.

Yum Sugar's Interviews With Gail Simmons

Click here to read Parts 1 & 2. Very illuminating.

Top Chef 3: The sexes in the professional kitchen

When I wrote my previous post I had not read Gail Simmons' blog. It's amazing how I echoed her sentiments about female chefs. The war of sexes in the kitchen rages on. Here are her calm reasoned comments. She is obviously speaking from experience, whereas I was shooting from the hip:

Another notable issue in this Quickfire was that of gender. Casey touched upon it when she entered the Le Cirque kitchen and I have to add my point of view. Many years ago, upon graduating from culinary school, I was sent out into the world of New York restaurants and decided my first stop would be Le Cirque, in its previous location at the New York Palace Hotel. I was just an apprentice and was initially assigned to the hot appetizer, pasta, and risotto station. Although I learned an enormous amount, I was the only female in a kitchen consisting of well over 40 people, from dishwashers to sauciers. It was a very difficult place to work. Along with the obvious physical stresses that any kitchen imposes, there was an undercurrent that made me feel as if I had to prove myself just a little more than everyone else because I was a girl.

Could I have imagined it? I used to think so. But now I know Casey noticed it too. It appears as though not much has changed since I was there, judging from her experience. And do not think I believe this is by any means an anomaly. It pains me to think that even in 2007, most top kitchens in the country are still heavily male dominated.

As Peachpie pointed out in the comment section of my previous post, (thank you for the tip, dahling), here is Robert M.'s answer.Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill!

Gail,

Why the constant feminist rants? It's really getting tired and annoying. The simple fact is, being a chef or a line cook in a top restaurant is physically, mentally, and emotionally demanding and brutal and men, by simple luck of nature, are IN GENERAL (NOT ALWAYS) better suited to the task.

I especially don't understand how someone like you, who's been fortunate enough to work in some of the greatest kitchens, can implicity accuse the entire industry of being sexist and misogynistic. To me it's a copout and an excuse. If you want to continue to use this forum as an outlet of your own personal agenda, you better back it up.

RobertM

Top Chef 3: Where's the Drama?

Try as I may I cannot think of anything witty or snarky to say about the last Top Chef 3 episode. It was everything I wanted a Top Chef episode to be: great challenges, fabulous cooking, outstanding guest judges, and a fair final judgment.

Bravo finally delivered and the chefs rose to the occasion, even Sara, whose food probably tasted better than the judges intimated. But someone had to go, and raw meat that should be cooked is seldom attractive, except to my pooch. Sara made the huge mistake of not crossing her T’s and dotting her I’s, as she said on the show. Her Chowhound interview was also illuminating.

So four chefs are left, and here is what I think of them:
Hung: I will always associate the words “finesse, grace, style, and elegance” with Hung, and no matter how hard he tries to be a CPA, this cheftestant shows too much insecurity to be a true bad ass. His statements about coming over as an immigrant and having big dreams revealed much to me: I know how you feel bro. Be that as it may, Hung is a classically trained chef who knows his way around a kitchen, even a strange one. His confidence in his technical skills is unsurpassed among the other chefs, but it is like Dale said – Does he have heart? In addition, if Hung makes the finals he will suffer from his lack of popularity among the other cheftestants. If the past is any indication, Hung will probably have the opportunity to choose two former cheftestants as sous chefs in the finale. As we know, both Tiffany and Marcel were sabotaged by their teams, so the future does not bode well for Hung who is not regarded a team player.

Casey: She surged ahead of the pack in recent weeks to become the final female contender. In fact she's on such a strong roll that she’s a shoe-in as one of two finalists unless she does something in the semi-finals to mess up. Bravo needs a female chef in the finale this third go ‘round or else the series risks turning into a male bastion joke. As an aside, I find it pathetic that for three seasons only one female in four makes it to the semis, and, no, I don’t buy that male chefs are better than their female counterparts. Also, our perception of Casey as a weak contestant is Bravo’s fault. In the beginning they depicted her as a pretty, ornamental woman in the kitchen, one whose skills were uneven. Now, I really have to struggle to think of Casey as a viable candidate. That was bad editing, Bravo. Should Casey win, people will always wonder if she was chosen not for her abilities but because it was time a woman won the competition. As for particulars, I will always remember Casey’s outstanding taste test challenge and the abysmally slow way she chopped those onions.


Dale: We’ve had fun dissing his taste, but he has emerged as verbally the most colorful character. Some of his better lines during the last show were:

"Some of you watching this will think you can do this. Well you know what, most of you can’t because it’s really effin hard."
Looking at the chefs from the Culinary Institute: "It’s kind of like the last supper. Jesus’ apostles of culinary greatness."
"Brian, what is that big green turd on that plate because it was crazy."
"Cooking is love; you can taste it when the chef has not had his heart broken; and you definitely know that you got laid tonight."

Dale's cooking skills are uneven, however, and I just have never thought of him as top chef material. Case in point: when the chefs had $200 and an hour to shop for their elimination challenge ingredients he glommed onto Casey. Here’s some bad news, Dale: Any friend of Casey’s gets cut from the competition. Beside the fact that you are terrible with details (forgetting the honey sauce) you also were the one cheftestant most eager to pick Hung’s brain about the quickfire challenge to find out how that dish was made. My prediction is that you will be the first of the four to go during the semi-finals.

Brian: In her interview with Chowhound, Sara expressed her desire for Brian to make it to the finals. One other blogger intimated that Brian had made it quite far, and so the signs point to Brian triumphing in some way. I wouldn’t be unhappy with a Brian/Casey showdown, but I am rooting for Hung. Yes, Brian is an executive chef, but for someone in his exalted position, he has shown very little consistency. He was a terrible leader during Estaban Cortazar’s party, but to be fair, his leadership skills are superior to Hung’s.

I would like to see a Hung/Casey showdown, but would be satisfied with a Casey/Brian finale. Whoever makes it, there’s a decided lack of buzz about this Top Chef 3 finale. In the past two seasons, anony-mouses came out in droves, snarling at anyone who didn’t support their top candidate. Where are they? The comments on my blog this TC season are as polite and convivial as the cheftestants have been towards each other. So my main question at this point is: Where’s the drama?

Fun With Hung

Click here to watch 'Creating a Smurf Village' with Hung

A Classically Wonderful Top Chef

Five Happy Cheftestants Remain

For the quickfire challenge, Sirio Maccione, the suave and talented owner of Le Cirque, got to decide if our cheftestants could prepare his restaurant's secret signature dish: a white sea bass wrapped in russet potato and on a bed of leeks.

The deans of the French Culinary Institute, with founder Dorothy Hamilton, chose the ingredients for the elimination challenge: The simple and classic ingredients of chicken, potato, and onion represent the ultimate culinary test. Combined, these deans represent 200 years of cooking talent.

Gail, who finally returned, was as feisty, opinionated, and fair as usual. She looked beautiful too. Congratulations on your engagement, Gail. You simply glowed.

Each cheftestant was given an opportunity to shine individually. They can give no excuses this time or blame a partner. After they created a dish from simple ingredients, all we had to do was sit back and listen to the judges' comments, which in this episode were fair and knowledgeable. In the image below, Andre Soltner discusses food with Tom Colicchio. Andre, the chef/owner of Lutece in New York City, was this week's guest judge. 'Nuff said.

After not much deliberation in either case, Hung won both the Quickfire and Elimination Challenges, but it's become quite evident that his biggest competition for the title of Top Chef will be Casey.

Brian coasted to the finals with a truly hideous looking dish that apparently tasted divine.

Dale made the final four by the skin of his teeth, while Sara was asked to leave for cooking raw chicken in the elimination challenge. In fact, her meat was raw in both challenges. She must have suffered from nerves, although it was painfully clear as the episode unfolded that she was performing beyond her abilities.

As for Dale, he summed this episode up best when he declared to the judges: "Cooking is love … and you definitely know that you got laid tonight."

Yes, dahling, tonight we all got laid. Thanks, Bravo, for a truly excellent show. This is what cooking is all about.

Next week's guest judge? Eric Rippert. Yum.

Top Chef 3 Tonight

Which cheftestants are going next? I suspect two heads will be on the chopping block tonight. Next week are the semi finals and the finals will be shown on October 3rd.

Going, going, gone!
	Casey
	Hung
	Dale
	Sarah
	Brian
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Whoops! OK, so I am wrong. Four chefs will go to the Aspen Finals. Still, who will go? Who will stay? An inquiring mind wants to know!!

So far, it looks like Sara and Dale are in a heap of trouble.

Hung Over

Our cheftestants were rudely awakened at the crack of dawn by a lively Padma. “Time to get up,” she crowed, “and do our aerobic exercises.”

Our yawning band of cheftestants stumbled into the living room to find the place turned into an impromptu kitchen.

“She for real?” Casey asked.
“Don’t talk to me, bitch,” Hung snapped. “You’ve stolen my thunder. I shoulda won that appetizer elimination challenge.”

The sound of Padma’s stomach growling halted this pleasant interchange. “Make me breakfast,” she said.

Sara M. created her own version of toad in the hole. Casey yawned and accidentally added ½ of a container of milk to two eggs.

As for the men, all but Hung were still moonstruck over being awakened from a sound slumber by a beautiful woman. ‘Gotta tame my woodie,’ thought C.J., ‘it’s getting more attention than my remaining nut.’

Hung went to town, making steak and eggs, and added half a bottle of Grand Marnier to Padma’s smoothy. “That should impress her.” He looked straight at the camera and said, “I hear she‘s a lush.”

Padma took a long, long, long sip of the smoothy. “Normally I don’t like steak and eggs, Hung, but that smoothy made me forget all about my unsullied, cholesterol free arteries. I declare you the winner.”

Hung started to giggle like a school girl as he fondled the cookbook Padma gave him.

“That reminds me, Hung. Since you won, you’ve gotta distribute these tickets. Now that you’ve stunk up the livingroom with your cooking and messed the floor up with oil, you folks are getting a one-way ticket outta here.”

The cheftestants jumped up and down for joy when they learned they were headed for Manhattan, especially C.J. “I’ve never been to New York. Before I die I want to step foot in Manhattan.”

As C.J. talked about NYC, the viewers could hear a choir of angels singing in the background, portending that he would soon be the next cheftestant to go.

Our merry gang hurriedly packed and were next seen shooting a commercial for Continental airlines. But instead of landing in New York, they disembarked in Newark. The background choir of angels begin to sing louder as the camera paned over C.J.’s face. His expression, as he viewed the airport said it all: “Uh, oh, something tells me I might not make it to Manhattan, Auntie Em.”

“Welcome to Newark,” said Padma, giving the cheftestants a mischievous smile.

“Aren’t Tom, Ted, or Gail working for Bravo any more?” thought Brian peevishly, missing his wife.
“You’ve just eaten a Continental snack,” Padma said breezily. “After taking your maalox, and after your stomach settles, your next challenge will be to create a better meal than the peanut butter on crackers, pretzels, and apple snack you just consumed.”

“Piece of cake,” thought Hung, Brian, Dale, Sara, Casey, and C.J. simultaneously.

As the cheftestants began to create their “Pieces des Continental Cuisine Resistances” in Continental's humongous kitchen, the diners gathered in a parked Continental plane. They were then forced to sit and wait in their tiny business class seats as if the plane were grounded on the tarmac due to bad weather. The Continental airflight attendants were peeved that they hadn’t been sent to Disney World as promised. Padma, still feeling the effects of Hung’s smoothy, decided to take a nap. Anthony Bourdain's legs began to cramp up. Tom, feeling that his choice of headgear might have been a mistake, began to chafe at the bit.

After what seemed like hours, the meals from the cheftestants began to arrive.

Bourdain, feeling peeved about being summoned to save a lagging show, tasted Brian’s hash and made a face. “That’s terrible. And your lobster is rubbery. Can’t you make anything other than seafood?”
“Spam,” said Brian, who was beginning to dislike Bourdain as much as this food challenge.

After Dale served his dishes, Tom and Anthony sent him away for math lessons. “The guy can’t count,” said Tom. “Yeah, but at least his dish was edible,” retorted Bourdain.

On tasting Sara’s salmon, Bourdain sniffed, “Nobody's home here.” Tom agreed, saying, “That couscous was scary.” Although one Continental flight attendant ventured to say, “It taste’s better than anything we would have gotten at Disney World,” before she was shushed.

Hung’s sea bass was declared to be a nice take on a classic; and Casey’s bland looking dish surprised them in a pleasant way. “Sophisticated,” said Bourdain. “Creative,” said Tom. “Daring,” agreed Padma. "Huh?" said the viewers.

Finally C.J. served his dish. “What’s this green rot gut?” asked Bourdain.

“Broccolini,” answered C.J.

“Looks like month old seaweed,” said Tom.

“Uh, oh for real,” said C.J. as he reentered the galley. “Now I know I’m gonna go home.” The choir of angels in the background crescendoed, singing a song of farewell.

Casey, busy trying on the mantle of first female cheftestant winner, didn’t hear him. Hung, eyeing Casey, said to no one in general, “I should win this contest hands down. My sea bass was perfect.”
“Yeah, but you’re a man,” said Casey complacently. “Bravo needs a female winner to maintain credibility with the viewers.”

“And you think you’re IT?” Hung said, incredulous.

“Who they gonna choose? You in drag? Sara?”

And sure enough, the judges chose Casey's dish. She won another fantastic prize – two Continental airline tickets to anywhere. Hung schooled his expression. “I gotta pretend I’m ok with this,” he thought. “I gotta bide my time until these lovestruck judges recognize my greatness.”

And as we could all guess, C.J. got sent home. The judges declared that he'd made the worst dish in the three seasons of Top Chef. Worst? Really? Broccolini is only a side dish. Was the rest of C.J.'s dish awful too?