Jul 1, 2007

Micah's Chow Interview: Redux

In case you missed Micah's interview with Meredith Arthur over at Chow, I've summed it up for you in a NUT shell. My quotes might not be strictly accurate, but you'll get the gist.

Hi Micah. So tell us about your Top Chef 3 Experience. How did you like it?

"Momma is American. Poppa is South African. Momma divorced Poppa and it was acrimonious. They imploded then exploded. I lived with Momma in America, but I got custody of Poppa's South African accent. I have issues and ... "

Going back to Top Che...

"I wandered all over the world, here and there and everywhere, collecting accents and recipes, and a daughter. Along the way I lost her father. If anyone finds him please tie him up and send him back with a money order to ..."

I really don't give a rat's ass about the people you've slept with. What about the food, Micah? Tell us about your cooking philosophy.

"Oh, yea, I am a renaissance chef, preferring recipes that use Wild Boar, Hart's hearts, and Peacock Balls. And did you see that strange Elk's Lodge ritual before they ate our food? Americans are such yahoos. I also cook best when I feel good. However, I never feel good because I have issues. I'd cook if I could, and I would and I should, but I have..."

... Issues. Yes, thank you for hammering that subject to death. Speaking of hammers, it looks like you never encountered a shellfish before, and you say you lived in the Bahamas?

"Look, that was not my fault. Once I found the right tool to pry open those conk thingies, I met the quick fire challenge head on. Now, getting back to my childhood issues, starting with my first day in kinder ..."

Can you actually tell me without blushing that you have never tasted meatloaf in your life before?

"Yeah, no, yes, well, maybe, oh, perhaps when I had my period and I was in my manic phase, because I really don't remember. Actually, I think it was made with turkey. No. I remember now. I've never tasted meatloaf. Plus, I must cook when I am me, and how can I cook when I can't find me anywhere?"

Well, our time is winding up. Thanks for a whole lot of crap and hooey, Micah. What a bunch of baloney you've spoon fed us ...

"Oh, I think I ate baloney once. You Americans are full of it, yes?"

And that concludes our interview.

"Thank you for having me. I'm so glad I got to explain my cooking philosophy in depth."


ArtfulSub said...

LOL. Truly LOL.

There is NO REASON for anyone to torture themselves by listening to that interview now! You've spared them that agony, by summing it up.

I only wish I'd been warned.


eggplant said...

That interview was painful on so many levels. Thank you, Ms. Place, for injecting some levity.

trixie said...

spot on!

I didn't listen to the interview -- your characterization just captured what she's all about generally.