Dec 22, 2006

Seen in the Personals ...

30, curvy, French, with own floating shack, wondering why she's not mobbed by suitors, WTLM devastatingly handsome but self-deprecating 30-45 man who likes to dress up as a priest and use chocolate mousse.

Ball-breaking irrational F (52). Very probably just like your mother.

I cannot guarantee you’ll fall in love with me, but I can promise you the best home-brewed beetroot wine you’ll have ever tasted. Now if that doesn’t sound like a fermentor bucket of yummy syphoned lustness I just don’t know what does. Man, 41. Stupid like wow! Box no. 24/04

In laboratory tests, this ad made seven mice blind. The remaining three, however, developed extra-sensory powers and the ability to levitate. You could too, by replying to ex-communicated biologist and psychic-mouse groomer (M, 39) at box number. 24/01 Or you may just go blind. It’s a 70-30 shot but you can’t halt progress.

Loaded tax exile Channel Islands resident seeks attractive well preserved soul mate. No objection to modest gold digger age around 25 below 40 a definite advantage. If you smoke it’s the garage.

Bright Midlands F, 50s, seeks kind, sorted, literate, funny gent for occasional domestic bliss. No smokers, husbands or beer-bellies, please.

Personals, London Review of Books

1 comment:

Lisette said...

Met the husband through the personals, a free one at that! Described myself as a bottle of wine, not nearly as funny as these!