Project Runway One: Nora, dear, what were you thinking?

(A group of us are watching Project Runway One with Tom & Lorenzo, the Project Rungay Guys. Here is one of my takes on Episode Five.)

Nora,

Can we talk? You are so young and talented, and you made it all the way to Project Runway One, Episode Five. That’s something to be proud of! In fact, looking at your website, you’ve got taste and talent! I’d buy some of your stuff if I ran across it.



However, you should NOT have lost that bridal competition. Austin was trying as hard as he possibly could to lose it all by himself.

C’mon. Fess up. You must have thought (like we did) that those nasty purply artificial rose thingies attached to the hem of Melissa’s gown were hideous. Why didn't you stick up for what you believed in and say no to Melissa? She's six years younger than you, for crying out loud, and was still playing with her Barbies when you attended design school. You should have had one of your diva moments when it counted, like now.

And, girlfriend, what were you thinking when you chose that heinous liver-colored dye? If you wanted purple, then you should have gone for the color like Michael Urie did! I mean, look how s/he owns it!

If you were shooting for this beautiful red, you were off by a mile! I know you had only two days to complete the competition. But in Project Runway time, two days is an eternity.

Just in case you find yourself in this situation again, let me submit a few ideas for your consideration.

Begin by creating the simple, edgy gown you meant to make from the start.

Then, if Melissa still insists on having roses and romance on her big day, consider purchasing real rose petals and having her walk barefoot over them down the runway.

You might also order personalized rose petals with the images of Heidi, Ninotchka, and Michael engraved on them.

Ask Melissa to strew the petals over the judges as she passes by them. This will garner brownie points. (Remember Uli's "Hi Ladies" dog coat?)

Alrightee then, I think I've said enough on the subject.

Let's hope you've learned from this unfortunate mistake and put the experience behind you.

Honestly, if you'd been asked to design a wedding gown for J.C. Penney, you'd have won hands down.