Tomorrow is December 5th! You and Swarte Piet will be arriving in Nederland, fresh off the boat from Spain. We will all be standing by the wharf to greet you, waving our little red,white, and blue Dutch flags.
You intend to judge us, giving gifts to good children, and switches to the naughty ones. I've already placed my wooden shoe by the fireplace. I've also left a bowl of water for your horse and a few carrots.
However, what's a sweet girl like me to do when her values change as she matures?
I mean, can't one be naughty AND nice at the same time?
Consider my good side:
I give to the poor.
I work for nonprofits.
I am on good terms with every one of my former boyfriends.
I'd still be speaking to my ex if he hadn't married that BITCH!
I have opened my house to two orphans.
I adopted two rescue dogs.
Then consider my naughty side:
I adore scandalous undies and wear them under even the most austere clothes. (Britney Spears take a leaf from my book. Stop showing your pun tang to the paparazzi! It's so unbecoming. Men like a little mystery now and then.)
I order sticky balls at my favorite sushi bar.
I always check to see if a man prefers to dress left or right.
I appreciate a good roll in the hay.
and I adore those darling toy stores on Bourbon Street, NOLA, U.S.A.
I leave you with the immortal words of Audrey Hepburn (another Dutch girl) as Eliza Doolittle: "I am a good girl, I am!"
So please, Sinterklaas, leave me some goodies tomorrow. I'm starving for the attentions of a man.