Jun 1, 2007

Top Chef 3 is coming and all is right with the world!

We’re all in a twitter in Dishin’ Dat land: Top Chef 3 season is just around the corner! Won't summer be fun?

Before that show begins, Bravo will first air the All Star Cook Off between the Top Chefs from Season 1 and the Top Chefs from Season 2. As if there will be any competition! I predict that the Season 1 chefs will beat the aprons off those wussies from Season 2 faster than it takes to cook a one-minute egg, or I don't know how to binge eat.

My friends, The Finger Lady and Lady Marmalade (both distantly related to the Fruitcake Lady), will also be making guest appearances on this blog to dish the new TC season. Meanwhile, I ventured to ask the following chefs their opinions on the All Star Cook-Off, slated to be shown this Wednesday.

Ms. Place: Dahlings, what is your opinion? Which Top Chef team will win on Wednesday? Season One or Season 2?

They're not very good looking, now, are they? Not a single one of them could do my job, which is to charm the pants off any lady I meet in a supermarket, persuade her to take me to her home and spend the day with me while I cook dinner. Now that takes some talent. To answer your pointless question, Season 1. - Curtis Stone, Take Home Chef

Place any of those jokers on Iron Chef and see what happens. I can out fillet and out saute any of them. Since you asked the question, I grudgingly choose Season 1. - Cat Cora, Iron Chef.

WTF? Why are you asking such a stupid question at all? I would eat all these so-called chefs and spit them out faster than they can say Hell's Kitchen. None of them would survive on my show. None. Except perhaps for Tiffani. Now that girl has balls. - Gordon Ramsay, Hell's Kitchen

I like all these beautiful people, and I cannot choose, since I have never seen an episode of Top Chef in my life. But I get the feeling that their dishes would be greatly enhanced with a sprinkle of freshly grated Parmesan or Romano cheese. - Giada di Laurentis, Every Day Italian

I can talk Cockney, sing, dance, and act at the same time I'm cooking six dishes simultaneously, and you're asking me to judge these one trick people? Neither team. - Jamie Oliver, Wunderkind Chef Extraordinaire

I am really too popular and spunky to relate to these people. I mean! I am pop culture personified. Who are these chefs? Where did they come from? What infinitesimal kitchen will they be promoted to next? Besides, I really am too busy to answer your question, as I've just signed a deal with Halliburton to cook all the food for all our nation's brave soldiers everywhere. - Rachael Ray, One Woman Conglomerate

I need another restaurant. Anyone got one lying around? Think Harold will let me run his into the ground? - Rocco DiSpirito, formerly, The Restaurant


eric3000 said...

Ha ha!

Yeah, I think season one has it wrapped up!

Big Fella said...

Love the observations, a couple more:

Send all of season one, except Tiffani, over to the UK to cook school lunches with Jamie, they can help the kids over there eat healthier an take weekends off on the continent expanding their culinary horizons.

Send all of season two to Gordon, let him whip them in to shape.

Pair up Tiffani with Rocco to open a new restaurant with entertainment, featuring Tiffani the dominiatrix riding Rocco.

ArtfulSub said...

That was just TOO funny. Kudos on getting all those famous and semi-famous foodies to comment.

Not sure that Ms. Ray should be feeding OUR troops, though.

The military uses something called Psych-Ops against opponents. One famous example being former Panamanian Strongman Miguel Noreiga. They blasted Motley Crue music at him to get him to surrender. And then fed him bland ham sandwiches on white bread with mayonaise to get him to confess to something.

Seems to me, Ms. Ray could be employed doing something similar.


Calady said...

Can not wait. I think season 1 has it as well. What a great summer it will be.

Marius said...

Success! I'm glad it worked, Ms. Place. Anyway, I'm also looking forward to season 3. And I agree with everyone--season 1 is going to kick some major butt.