Jun 3, 2007

The Next Food Network Star: Out of the Starting Gate First

Hello! One of us is the next Food Network Star, well, what's left of us. Eleven started out tonight, and two of us already got cut after serving a potluck dinner, creating a wedding cake, and catering a wedding reception from start to finish for 100 people in an impossible six hours.

Sheez! You'd think Food Network would take things slowly and make this a true competition between us and TOP CHEF! After all, we beat them to the starting gate and sprinted out first. Can't they make this show last? What's the hurry?

Our Chef characters are as good as Top Chef's; maybe better. We'll wait and see.

There's Tommy who snores, which is hard when you're all sleeping in one room. He claims he can cook, it's just that he's never had any formal training. Tommy's kind of slow in the kitchen, and he made a really dumb move adding chicken stock to a vegetarian polenta entree. But he's a charmer, and he'll probably go far.

Then there's JAG, a former marine in the shape of a bull dog. He likes to JAG up his cooking. Get it?

Michael Salmon compared himself to a fish all the time. "I'm like the fish, Salmon." Is there any other kind? The judges got tired of his shtick right away and asked him to drop it. He's a nice guy though, and a great team player.

Colombe (pronounced like cologne) looks like Katherine Heigl's twin sister. She's really pretty and you get the idea she was chosen for her looks. Leading the orange team tonight, she demonstrated the leadership skills of an orangutan. You know about these apes, right? They like to live alone. Oh, and out of an $1,800 budget, she spent only $700. For 100 people? Big mistake.

Rory likes to make excuses, and Judge Susie Fogelson jumped all over her telling her to STOP whining, which reduced Rory to near tears. She also decorated the ugliest, least edible wedding cake of the group. It looked like a science project of a volcano that exploded. Ick.

Vivien was beautiful. I mean, a drop down gorgeous Brazilian glamazon. No one chose her for their team, which was a bad portend, since at the end she was eliminated.

All the women are good looking, actually, while some of the men are downright geeky. It's apparent that a few like Tommy, JAG, and Paul are chosen for their PERSONALITIES, and that the women are chosen largely for their sex appeal. Hmmph!

Amy did a great job leading the green team, but oooh she can sound snooty when she talks about her bistro background in Paris. So, shut up, already, Amy. You're competing in the land of American fries. Her green team did not spend all its money either. No one thought to purchase expensive foods, as they were all fixated on staying under budget. In fact Colombe's team ran out of food at the reception!

Paul made a neat gay wedding cake with two grooms standing on top. He's kinda cute, especially when he fed the bride and groom's dog, but he can be kinda bitchy too, not telling Tommy about the chicken stock because "This is a competition!"

Adrien is also a cutie. He quit his job as a delivery man to compete. His gamble might not pay off, since the judges told him to punch up his food and his personality.

Nikki is a diva: gorgeous and tough. I'd hate to meet her carrying a cleaver in a dark alley. She might be too tough to make a good television food host, but who knows? If she keeps spilling her food all over the judges, like she did with Bobby Flay (hee hee hee), she'll soon be gone.

And then there was Patrick who never really made much of an impression on us before he was eliminated. Too bad. He seemed like such a nice guy. (Don't they always finish last?)

We all get along, really, although we hate sleepin in those tiny bunk beds. Ah, well, we have a week to rest up before another one of us is eliminated. Now, let's hope The Food Network gets their website up to speed. They've hardly put up anything about us yet.

Click here to go to the Food Network website.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was disappointed to see Rory on the show. Is she trying to make reality tv a career? I remember her from CMT's "Popularity Contest" which she finished second on. She should have been the one eliminated if you ask me!