Feb 10, 2007

John God-Awfuliano

Yes, I know, fashionistas. The runway is a different world from the one I inhabit. Designer fashions are meant to point the way for us minions and Haute Couture is created for the rich and fashion forward. In three years we poor lemming slobs will be allowed to purchase faint, derivative shadows of what's struttin' down the runways now.

But, dahlings, sometimes words simply fail me when I see what the leaders in fashion are dreaming up for us. Let me demonstrate a few samples from John Galliano's Spring and Fall collections and you'll see why this dating gal is dreading to be seen on the arms of any man who will wear these getups. Here's why.

No bulge in the speedo. Think I'll pass.
I prefer to go out with a real leopard.
Wait, is that Michael Bolton hiding under all that pelt? Ew!
That's the strangest bulge I've ever seen.
And I refuse to go out with a man who teases his hair higher than mine.
He's almost normal. Let me think this over.
My momma warned me to steer clear from terrorist scum bags.
He'd never fit in my house. My ceilings are only 9' high.
Y'shoulda showered first before you came over.
Unless you dribbled chocolate all over yourself? Mmm.
Dahling, you look like a walking knitting emporium.
You didn't need to drape the merchandise on your person;
there's a new invention called shelves

If you are famished to see more of Galliano's thoughts about fashion trends here are two links:

Galliano Spring 07

Galliano Fall 07


Anonymous said...

Maybe what this man really needs is a welding mask. He's an artist, but why the hell did he decide to use clothing as his medium.

Hey, John? No one wants to actually WEAR this. And isn't that the point?

It's not hip, it's not a new vision, it's not "brilliant". It's ridiculous.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Tell you what, if he wears these outfits himself for the next 6 moths, I'll take back my comments.

eric3000 said...

It doesn't bother me when a runway collection isn't wearable. What bothers me is when a runway show makes me want to vomit. Smearing yourself with feces is not a good look.

jinxy said...

I do think John G would make an awesome sculptor. But his clothes are so conceptual, I personally feel he loses the point of the exercise.