Sep 1, 2007

Tim Weighs in On Top Chef 3

Ah, Ms. Place's fertile or febrile brain has been on active overload again, dahlings. This time she imagined a conversation with her style hero, Tim Gunn, about the remaining cheftestants.
Ms Place: "Tim, dahling, thanks for stopping by my humble blog so close to the debut of your new show. I can't wait to see your Guide To Style on Thursday. I know you're super busy, but have you been able to watch Top Chef 3?"

Tim: "I wouldn't miss it for the world!"

Ms Place: "I'm curious. What's your assessment of the remaining cheftestants?"

Tim: "I'm no food expert like Gail or Ted ... "

Ms Place: "Food, schmood. We viewers can't taste or smell the darned stuff, so we must rely on visuals cues as well as the judges' decisions. Your opinion is as good as mine. Let's start with Howie, the bulldog."
Tim: "Bwahahaaahaahaa!" (Takes out a handkerchief and wipes his eyes.) "Bulldog doesn't begin to describe him. Where to start? He's definitely got talent, but the quality of his food is all over the place, and his timing issues keep getting him in trouble. Did anyone really want to taste that risotto? It looked awful from a distance."

Miss Place: "Any style advice?"

Tim: "Buy a good deodorant and embark on an aerobic exercise program. That should reduce the sweat."

Miss Place: "What are your thoughts about Brian? Are powder blue pants ever in season?"

Tim: (Blurts out) "Eww, nooo! Look, I get what he's going for, I really do. That retro 50's t.v. detective look can look hot. But he needs to ditch those hats. And that monochrome baby powder blue matched with a grayed down shirt looked washed out. That combination did not play well on t.v."
Miss Place: "I haven't seen him wear hats for a while. Any thoughts about his cooking?"

Tim: "He has the whole package, doesn't he? Aside from looks and personality, he gets along with his team mates. However, he needs to branch out. We know he can cook seafood, but can he cook beef, lamb or a pork shoulder? Inquiring minds want to know."

Ms. Place: "Which brings us to C. J. and his one nut. Tell me what you think of him."

Tim: "You HAD to bring up that testicle, didn't you? My question is: Why did he?"
Tim: "I go back and forth with C.J. He won the quickfire challenge and got to handpick his team."

Ms Place: "The Dream Team."

Tim: (Nods his head.) "Yes, but he handed the leadership position over to Tre. Aside from C.J.'s questionable leadership qualities, his food has been uneven too. In the Family Favorites episode, his tuna casserole looked like it had bits of seaweed mixed in. Then he served salty lobster salad, and he's yet to demonstrate any leadership skills. During the catering challenge he allowed Howie and Sara N. to twist in the wind. Not exactly Top Chef material."

Ms Place: "Now we get to Casey and her chopping skills."
Tim: "(Dabs tears from his eyes with a handkerchief.) "What a downfall. She's stunning, and obviously chosen for her looks. I was rooting for her until she started chopping onions like a six year old without a clue. It was painful to watch. Plus she's been at the bottom too often lately. She's lost steam."

Ms Place: "Any style suggestions?"

Tim: "Lose the stripy hair; and stop outlining her lips with a dark lip liner. Her lips look artificial when she va-va-va vooms herself up. Other than that minor mistake, she looks great in the kitchen. Very put together and professional"

Ms Place: "Do you have an opinion about Hung?"
Tim: "As you can see, Hung makes me smile. Oh, he can get irritating once in a while, and he's nowhere as tough as he pretends to be, but he has true talent. I wouldn't be surprised if he was one of the last two chefs standing."

Ms. Place: "Now about Dale's taste..."
Tim: "Mwahaahaaha. Let me catch my breath. I'm laughing too hard. What taste?"

Ms. Place: "I see your point. What about his performance in the kitchen?"

Tim: "He's squeaked through, hasn't he? He convinced his team to make desserts, which was disastrous, and he'd not exactly setting the world on fire with his dishes."

Ms.Place: "Any Style advice for Dale?"

Tim: "Toss out those high tide pants. They don't look good on little boys and worse on a grown man."

Miss Place: "Any prediction for Sara?"

Tim "She's been steady, competing without much notice, not standing out, but not failing either. I think she's coming into her own. I predict she'll be the last female standing."
Ms. Place: "Care to venture a prediction?"

Tim: "Hung and Brian will be the final two men; Sara will be the final woman. After that, it's anyone's guess."

Ms. Place: "Thank you for stopping by, Tim, if even in my imagination. Good luck with your show. I know I'm going to like it!"


Marius said...

LOL. Love it! I'm surprised Tim didn't mention Hung's monkey. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to his show. Tim is wonderful.

becca said...

What a great way to advertise Tim's new show! Thanks for the fun TC review. Don't you just hate it when they interrupt the show?