Sep 5, 2007

Top Chef 3: A Tale of Two Shitties, or a Kaka Goodbye to Howie

God bless Howie. He went down in a blaze of turtle turd appetizers, or as Hung so gently put it: unappealing dog diarrhea. Howie had plenty of fight left in him, however, saying, "I will be in control of my own destiny." Bye, dahling. You made for fab t.v.

As for Casey's win: Well, knock me down with a feather! I'll accept the judges decision, but, er, didn't they see how laboriously she sliced her frozen beef? This win doesn't bode well for this Top Chef season. However, Casey was so happy, she decided to change into her bikini once again and cook herself under the sun.
Hung, God Bless his stubborn soul, taught us and Tom Coliccio a lesson in the history of gastronomy. He nearly convinced me that serving Mastodon tartar on prairie grass tartlets is de rigeur.
What a fabulous episode, dahlings. Now, let's all petition cheapskate BRAVO and ask them to cough up a few more dollars for their cooking competitions. $350 for 60 people? Why that's Ms. Place's budget for her weekly restaurant nights out! And none of her favorite haunts are on a yacht.

6 comments:

ja said...

"A Tale of Two Shitties"--riotous! You've knitted quite a hilarious recount of the deposed this week, Madame Defarge. God forbid anyone ever go down in a blaze of turtle turds on national TV, but if fate demands it, I'm glad it was Howie.

george said...

i'm glad howie's gone but i really have to call bullshit on this one. i backed up the judges when they axed tre because it seemed like they were standing by their principles. but this week they turn around and keep on brian--who didn't do shit--even though he was the one in charge. drives me crazy.

RVA Foodie said...

Howie was my favorite, but only because he inspired reaction and stood his ground, which is more than I can say for some of the others. When I predicted that Howie's penchant for venom doomed him to "die by the sword" I didn't guess that he would attempt to throw himself upon his it before the judges table. Does he even comprehend what a cop-out that was?

Although he was trying in his limited way to be valient in defeat, he never really seemed to see himself or his peers very clearly (except to notice that he was frequently making waves and painting himself into a corner by the end). The judges should have more explicitly stated that, no Howie, you don't have to take yourself out of the competition because your turd-tarts and phyllo-phaluses did it for you. Add to that his consistent defensive refusal to accept criticism and you have a frustrating waste of talent drowning in a his own sweat. Sometimes, in the my fast-paced home-kitchen, I resemble that remark while serve up medeocrity and sowing discontent. So, thank you Howie for several lessons in humility.

RVA Foodie said...

yeesh, wish there was an edit feature for typos in my comments ;0)

ArtfulSub said...

I thought the episode sucked.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Weak show. Using petty cash as the budget for a the food of a cooking show...how sad is that. I guess Bravo doesn't get the idea that anyone watching a cooking show likes to cook or eat well. I bet they paid more for the booblicious server.