Nov 29, 2007

Around the Water Cooler: Dishin' Project Runway

Our water cooler crowd at the office was so disappointed in this week's PR episode that all they could discuss was the boring results. We did not fault the designers, since they were given barely enough time to complete a daunting task: to create a 3-piece outfit for Tiki Barber to wear on The Today Show.

First, Tiki's body is 5'9" of rock hard solid muscle. And he has no neck. Well, he does, but it has a 5'9" circumference. The outfit would need meticulous tailoring. However, our designers were given less than two days to complete the challenge. Whaa? Right away we knew the tight timing would skew the results.

So, here's our take on the outfits. Only four of us had the wherewithal to snark these less than sterling menswear designs: Ms. Place, Branch H2O, Major Bitchin', and Land Mine (who makes her last appearance this week, as she moves on to greener pastures.)

Miss Thing: I have no opinion about any of these outfits. They're all too bland. So, taa!
Land Mine: This looks like a waiter's jacket.
Branch H2O: "Ah, yes, boy, you may take my order now."
Major Bitchin': That black collar is Audrey Hepburnesque

Sweet P
Land Mine: Horrendous!
Ms. Place: This is how an air traffic comptroller must look after a plane has crashed.
Branch H2O: It looks like he tried to hang himself for wearing that shitty shirt - and then fell off the gallows.

Land Mine: Loved this. This was my favorite. B'sides, Steven is cool.
Branch H2O: I loved it. It's classic, well fitted, and that thing around his neck gives it some edge.
Ms. Place: Prep school 1936 or Brideshead Revisited. All this outfit needs is a teddy bear.
Major Bitchin': Loved Steven's spandex and football comment.

Bitchin' Major: That poor man - That boring suit's way too large. He's swimming in it.
Land Mine: Russian KGB man during the Cold War.
Ms. Place: A yummy man disguised as an accountant.
Branch H2O: He has more pins in him than a porcupine. As for Ricky, I wish the Bitch would just stop crying.

Ms. Place: Eeww. GM factory worker circa 1955.
Branch H2O: Bland, like toast. I don't have much to say about this.
Land Mine: I think THIS looks like a members only jacket. It's too casual for The Today Show.

Land Mine: This look is way too preppy.
Branch H2O: Yeah, too preppy. The fleece is interesting, but the rest is ordinary - khakis paired with an ordinary shirt.
Major Bitchin': Yawn
Ms. Place: I couldn't understand why the judges were so enamored with this. Perhaps it was sewn well.
Ms. Place: In that outfit, the model looks like a young Tony Soprano.
Branch H2O: Or a gay gangster. Actually, this would be a great look with a different shirt.
Major Bitchin': The proportions are off. The shirt's skin tight in the wrong places.
Land Mine: Yeah, you're right. The proportions are off. The sleeves are way too tight. And did he mean to leave the shirt untucked? It's too short.

Ms. Place: Chris Daughtry could wear this.
Branch H2O: I like it. It's plain and simple, yet the shirt's stylish and adds a bit of funk.
Major Bitchin': The shoes are awful.
Land Mine: It's like 70's rocker. At least it was something.

Branch H2O: This is a great look for a tall lean guy, but not for Tiki.
Ms. Place: The Vampire Lestat in the 21st Century. Actually, the model looked better in his skivvies. Boyfriend or not, I would have touched him.
Land Mine: He looks like an elf. All he needs is shoes that turn up at the toe.

Ms. Place: This is a bitchin Euro macho look. Love it.
Branch H2O: This would look good on a tall German, but not on 5'9" Tiki.
Major Bitchin: I love the look, but Branch is right.
Land Mine: Too metrosexual for my tastes.

Branch H2O: Overall this was different. I liked it. Well, ok. The little pocket thing and the shirt - too feminine. 80's fem.
Major Bitchin': I liked the colors. Bronzes. It would have helped if it was finished.
Land Mine: I kinda liked it, but I kinda don't.
Ms. Place: Oh, puhlease. Hideous. No self respecting man would wear this.

Carmen: Auf'd
Miss Thing: Oh My God.
Branch H2O (shaking his head): What a hot shitty mess. Oliver Twist morphed into a mad golfer.
Ms. Place: Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof disguised as the Pied Piper. And look at those shoes!
Land Mine: What was she thinking?
Major Bitchin': She didn't have a clue.

Jack, Winner
Ms. Place: Meh.
Land Mine: I don't like beltless pants. I think they look cheap.
Branch H2O: This should have won. It's American, it has edge, and it's well made.
Major Bitchin': At least he used a shirt fabric with a pattern. It adds some excitement.

Ms. Place: Aren't these men cute? I'll admit, the outfit looked great on Tiki and it was perfect for The Today Show.
Next week the designers will work in teams. The claws are out already! Let the fun begin.


becca said...

I think Kit should have won. Some of the designers are fun to watch. You can count on Christian to make a stupid remark, and on Steven to say something witty. And Elisa is always entertaining.

ArtfulSub said...

Is that a fish sticking out of Steven's shirt-collar?

Moi ;) said...

OMG, I am loving the comments. Especially about Sweet P's model hanging himself....

You know what, Ms. P? That *model* looks like Chris did he get onto PR without us noticing...? ;)

eggplant said...

Great recap! A delight, as always.

eric3000 said...

Ms. Place,

we really disagree on these! I hated Chris's: that collarless jacket look only lasted about 5 minutes in the 1990s. To me it just screams, "I didn't have time to make a collar!"

And I loved Rami's. It was casual but I don't think it was too casual for the Today Show; maybe a man-on-the-street interview or something.

We agree on Steven's. It was pretty good except for the way-too-high waist on the pant.

Marius said...

LOL. I also love the Sweet P comment. As far as the designs, I loved Steven's. Great post!

Ms. Place said...

Thanks all for your comments. Ah, Eric, I believe this is the first time we are so far off in our assessments. I find this so interesting. And, in fact, when I visited everyone's sites, I was struck by how little agreement there was among the bloggers. Most thought Kit should have won, all agreed that it was Carmen's or Sweet P's time to go. Some folks liked Steven's outfit and some did not. Well, I love a good debate. I still think our poor designers were not given enough time to create these outfits, and that Chris was smart not to attempt a collar.

cb said...

well, GENIUS commentary here. i wish y'all did a kind of PR play-by-play each week.

I did not know that stripes on top and stripes on the bottom was an okay thing to do.

And I actually liked Kevin's purple-pie-man ensemble. It takes a real man with real balls to wear purple and wear it well.

Meg said...

Is there ANYTHING more humiliating than a crotch gone wrong?

Elizabeth said...

I totally agree with you, Ms. Place. It was just too little time for too much work.... I know they're trying to make it more exciting. But I'd rather see a fair contest and judge the hell out of the outcomes.

And meg, no, nothing more humiliating.....

Anonymous said...

Heavens, it just wouldn't be right for a fellow Virginian and UVA graduate to suffer the disgrace of wearing some of that shit on TV. (Plus, Tiki and his brother, Ronde, support literacy, and you can't champion literacy lookin' like a dumbass, can you?)

BigAssBelle said...

Ms. Place: This is how an air traffic comptroller must look after a plane has crashed.

my chair is wet. thanks a lot missy.