Micah's Chow Interview: Redux

In case you missed Micah's interview with Meredith Arthur over at Chow, I've summed it up for you in a NUT shell. My quotes might not be strictly accurate, but you'll get the gist.

Hi Micah. So tell us about your Top Chef 3 Experience. How did you like it?

"Momma is American. Poppa is South African. Momma divorced Poppa and it was acrimonious. They imploded then exploded. I lived with Momma in America, but I got custody of Poppa's South African accent. I have issues and ... "

Going back to Top Che...

"I wandered all over the world, here and there and everywhere, collecting accents and recipes, and a daughter. Along the way I lost her father. If anyone finds him please tie him up and send him back with a money order to ..."

I really don't give a rat's ass about the people you've slept with. What about the food, Micah? Tell us about your cooking philosophy.

"Oh, yea, I am a renaissance chef, preferring recipes that use Wild Boar, Hart's hearts, and Peacock Balls. And did you see that strange Elk's Lodge ritual before they ate our food? Americans are such yahoos. I also cook best when I feel good. However, I never feel good because I have issues. I'd cook if I could, and I would and I should, but I have..."

... Issues. Yes, thank you for hammering that subject to death. Speaking of hammers, it looks like you never encountered a shellfish before, and you say you lived in the Bahamas?

"Look, that was not my fault. Once I found the right tool to pry open those conk thingies, I met the quick fire challenge head on. Now, getting back to my childhood issues, starting with my first day in kinder ..."

Can you actually tell me without blushing that you have never tasted meatloaf in your life before?

"Yeah, no, yes, well, maybe, oh, perhaps when I had my period and I was in my manic phase, because I really don't remember. Actually, I think it was made with turkey. No. I remember now. I've never tasted meatloaf. Plus, I must cook when I am me, and how can I cook when I can't find me anywhere?"

Well, our time is winding up. Thanks for a whole lot of crap and hooey, Micah. What a bunch of baloney you've spoon fed us ...

"Oh, I think I ate baloney once. You Americans are full of it, yes?"

And that concludes our interview.

"Thank you for having me. I'm so glad I got to explain my cooking philosophy in depth."

Hung Weltanshauung: A Top Chef 3 Rhyme With No Meter

"Aaaaeeii! Look what they did with Mother."

Top Chef 3, Episode 3, Quickfire

Who cares who won?
My mind’s still on Hung
and his cruelty towards a tiny crustace-un.

Flung like so much dung
when Hung's net was swung,
the creature lay stunned.

In unison Hung's fellow chefs sung:
“Pick up that crustace-un!”
Then Hung loosed his CPA tongue:
“It’s already met its gotterdammerung.”

Our chefs, undone, cried out as one:
“Why not use it in Egg Foo Yung?”

“Naw,” said heartless Hung,
“I am hamstrung,
for I use only the freshest ingredi-unts.”

July 4th Symbol: The Bald Eagle

Last month when I walked my pooch along the James River, I saw the grandest sight one can imagine in this beautiful land: A bald eagle swooping in a graceful arc over the water. The bird wasn't an osprey and it wasn't a hawk, two species of birds that are also thriving along our river's green ways.

The bald eagle's comeback since it plummeted to the edge extinction in the days of D.D.T. is nothing short of spectacular. Recently it was taken off the endangered list and I'm not happy about this development. In order for this magnificent bird to thrive it must have space and freedom, and privacy along rivers, lakes, and cliffs. All are considered prime real estate land.

Considering how swiftly developers will find ways to appropriate this land for their own enrichment, and how solidly the powers that be will support them against the interest of this bird, this latest move is rather stupid. Reproduction rates for the bird will slow when breeding sites and game animals disappear, placing the bird in danger again. Why not leave well enough alone?