Top Chef 2: The Sound of Mucus

Well, dear readers, we're down to the final two. Oh, ick! But won't let my prejudice against both cheftestants rule this post. We'll let esteemed guest judge Anthony Bourdain speak about Ilan aka Chuckie the Evil Kewpie Doll, and Marcel aka Marcel Jekyll and Marcel Hyde.

I quote Chef Bourdain verbatum in the good, the bad, and the fugly sections:

Ilan aka Chuckie, the Evil Kewpie Doll



The Good
I suspect, he'll go all the way.
That his food was derivative is no dishonor. Smart chefs must first know what their strengths and weaknesses are. And who to steal from. He did both well.

The Bad
He DID manage to get others to do his dirty work (if ineptly). Also a useful skill. If not the most admirable of young men--it is certainly well within reason to imagine him as a successful chef who serves good food at a prof.
If Ilan has a fatal flaw, it's that he let Marcel get up his nose so easily and predictably.
And that when he (again and again) conspired to sabotage or screw over his enemy--either directly or through surrogates, he was both obviously behind it--his fingerprints all over the place, and worse--FAR worse--unsuccessful! it.

The Fugly
And he's a manipulative, conspiratorial, vindictive, weasely little shit....(Hardly impediments to a career as a chef). These are classic assets.

Marcel Jekyll and Marcel Hyde












The Good
He deserves to be in the final two.
If he can ever pull his head out of his ass, there's hope.
He consistently took more chances.
He's got BIG balls.

The Bad
His Chef potential? Presently zero.
Marcel would likely be too busy celebrating his own perceived brilliance on the plate.
Marcel strikes me as the sort of knucklehead/creative "genius" who insists on "educating the public" instead of finding new ways to please and delight and surprise them.
There's nothing pleasing or surprising about foam anymore.
His tormentors were right about one thing: he needs to get laid.
And the Astro-Boy haircut is a liability in the kitchen; co-workers and subordinates will identify him as a fucktard from Day One.
Any chef will sporting a Wolverine-Do will be the object of behind their back derision and mockery. Marcel has a LOT of growing up to do.

The Fugly
He's petty, vindictive, immature, a loudmouth, not a team player by any stretch of the imagination. It's all about Him.

A fan's comment on the Ruhlman blog:
Upon reading it again, I am more appalled - lots of harsh words regarding the personalities of snaky smarmy Ilan and "petty immature loudmouth" (in quotes because I do not agree with m. bordain) Marcel but no call outs for Betty the shrill shrew or Elia the cyrbaby, backstabbing queeter. WTF is up with that?

M. Bordain - if this is going to be a character assisination at least give equal due to all contestants.

Posted by: Former fan redux January 30, 2007 at 06:30 PM


Ms. Place's suggestion for these two immature but talented chefs?

Kiss and make up, you weenies. Life's too short to be a fucktardy selfish crybaby with balls too big for your britches. There, I said it. Ooooh, I feel so much better!

Top Chef Final Two: Marcel and Ilan Are In. What Do You Think?

They cooked with passion, adding their own unique flavors and serving their food at a Hawaiian luau. These two chefs will compete for Top Chef next week: Marcel and Ilan, the two enemies!

What do you think? Did Marcel cheat, as Elia accused him of doing? Did the consistently reliable Sam deserve to leave? Should creative but backstabbing Elia have packed up her knives and go? Did Ilan take the most risks and cook well enough to stay?

And what did you think about the judging, gentle reader? I loved how this episode concentrated on their discussion, and showed how and why they came up with their decisions. Finally they showed an episode that was all about cooking, and that downplayed the hissy fits and behind the scenes manipulations.




Graphics from The Honolulu Advertiser
Wanna know what I really think about the final two cheftestants? Stay tuned, chiclets. You're probably dishing with Andy on his live show right now. More later this week when you've digested the shock of seeing the final two.

Conversation with Marcel

Las Vegas Weekly had an illuminating conversation with Marcel. Click here to read it or go to Blogging Top Chef website to read it and other articles and interviews of interest.

Top Chef 2: They Cook, We Dish also posted an interview with Raphael Lunetta, my favorite guest chef judge.

Here's another take about the last episode by Tom Colicchio in EW:

"EW: Sam, Ilan, and Cliff have said that Marcel is much more annoying than he's being portrayed. Do you think his hazing has been warranted?
TC: No, no, no, no, no. No hazing is warranted. None. There's no way, there's absolutely no way. If you don't like the guy, just say, ''We don't like you,'' and don't talk to him. More annoying than he is on TV? C'mon. These are adults, they aren't children. Take responsibility for your actions. I don't buy that."

Top Chef 2: Why I Went to Culinary School

The Accidental Hedonist poses this question: What is culinary school worth? Some of our cheftestants were eager to answer the question:

"Was it worth it? Hell yes, Dude! They taught me how to comport myself in front of my co-chefs and customers," said Mikey, wondering how the hell that strange word popped up in his head. "I mean, besides learning to slice carrot chips and create magnificent dishes like a steak and cheese sub, I'd say that they showed me how to dress and behave like a top chef. I wanted to make Suzanne Goin eat a Cheeto dick, and like, dude, I succeeded."

"Culinary school is one tough environment, man," said Ilan, "You have to mature quickly, treat every member of your team with equal respect, and not let the little things get to you. I have to remind myself to keep my emotions in check at all times, otherwise I’ll never succeed in this dog-eat-dog environment. If it hadn’t been for Culinary School, I woulda been an engineer or accountant or something, and sitting behind some stinky desk. But now I'm a line cook. I’d say I’ve definitely moved up in the world!"

"Who needs schooling when you're already top chef in a successful restaurant?" said Chef Carlos, taking the rose out of his mouth. "Just vote for me as Fan Fave, darlings. Oh, I gotta go! Miss XaXa Heels from Amuse-Biatch is coming to see ME all the way from Georgia. We are all in a dither at the Hi-Life Café. I mean, have you seen her? She’s simply gorgeous. We gotta get our place spic and span for our fave fan."

"I had a choice between attending Culinary School and the Institute for Surly Male Models," said Sam. "Despite my unusually short and stubby fingers, a disability I’ve successfully hidden from the world by tucking them under my armpits, I chose cooking school. From what I understand, Celebrity Chefs make millions. Even when they get to be old and pot-bellied, they’ll have women crawling all over them. They fly in their personal jets to their various restaurants, publish cook books left and right, and create spectacular meals for movie stars. After my Bravo stint, I’d say I’m well on my way to climbing up the Celebrity Cheftestant ladder."
"Vell, I theenk one cannot studee at too many schools, evair. Look at meee! Little Elia, the only feemale cheftestent left standing! I am only 23 years old, but I have succeeded een attending 14 Culinary Schools already. My aim ees to bee the first female winner on Top Chef, then to attend deefferent Culinary Schools in all the beauteeful countries in the world until my brain ees full. Beesides, I am so young, so firecracker hot, and so talented that I still have plentee of time beefore settling down to cook for a leeving!"

"Man, get outta my face. I’m not telling you anything about my past, present, or future, including my stint in Culinary School or my name. I’m gonna hang out in the background, do my thing, and manipulate from behind the scenes. I will win at all costs, no matter what it takes or how long it takes for me to get there or how I need to do it. I’ve got my eye on the brass ring. Mia’s down. Mikey’s down. Blackhawk Down. Go figure that one out for yourself. Now leave me alone. I gotta fly under the radar."

"Could you turn off the video for a moment? I wanta plaster a pasty grin on my face. It’s so soignee, you know," Marcel said, reaching for a trowel. "Culinary School, yeah, like whatever, man. I didn’t come to make friends. I came to learn to cook. So, yeah, I was an outcast there too. Like, whatever, these people don’t get me. I just let them buzz around me and then I just stand there grinning. Outside, I look cool, dude. I mean, have you seen my hair? Inside I’m laughing my ass off. I mean, they’re doing just what I want them to do. By not reacting and standing still as a statue and wearing my pasty grin, they go crazy. It DRAINS their energy. Hah, they’re so immature. They don’t even see it. Besides cooking and rap, that’s what I learned in Culinary School."

Mikey's Exit Line: It's Cool to Stay Cool, You Know

New Top Chef apron created by fashion designer Nick Verreos. Click on bold words to find out about the contest on Blogging Top Chef.

Mikey failed to pronounce chipotle correctly or use up all his team's money. With both teams performing extremely poorly (what a lackluster show - all of them were just coasting), our poor laid back Mikey's head was placed on the chopping block and he was asked to pack up his knives. Bye, bye Mikey. We're going to miss your bubbly presence!

I would have auf'd Cliff. He failed miserably in the front of the house and contributed very little to the team, barking at Elia and Marcel. Though there was no winner declared this week, in my estimation it should have been Marcel for leading his team and remaining focused. The PR winner, hands down, was Elia. She may be a tad too serious for one so young, but she showed nothing but class throughout the show!

Gracious Exit. Here's a final, final song for you, Mikey! Reel Big Fish came in person to sing you a goodbye lullabye.

Click here.

Top Chef 2: I'm Like, Yo, Man! Whatever!

Marcel coasts through, as does his team. Like, yo, man! Whatever!


Our much maligned cheftestant is depicted above with his two muses: World famous has-been Vanilla Ice, the most likely inspiration for our cheftestant's white bread rap. A swan could have inspired Marcel's elegant, upswept "do," therefore his use of the French word "soignée," pronounced Swan Yeah.

Click here to view Marcel rapping. Think he would have made it through to the final rounds on American Idol?

Not!

Top Chef 2: Metamorphosis

Marcel ...

...Wolverine!