You Can't Please Them All: Or the Real Story About Cellulite

The good news is that for ordinary women who battle their weight and find it hard to exercise, their glamorous celebrity counterparts are fighting the same battle. The difference is that while celebrities are stalked by the paparazzi and their harsh camera lenses, we, the hoi poloi, are allowed to move about our daily lives relatively unnoticed.

Prominent tabloids are becoming increasing cruel towards even the most fit and celebrated, exposing dimpled thighs and bellies to the harsh glare of daylight. The most prominent culprit is The National Inquirer.

What's illuminating are some of the comments ordinary people have about these photos, which reveal how much we've fallen for this visual clap trap: "Try not to gag," "My eyes, my eyes, I'm so framing this one," and "I now know I can curl up with the National Enquirer and rejoice..." As a culture, we have fallen for the myth about cellulite, believing that a magic pill or exercise can remove these bumps that proclaim our femininity.

Here's another myth: flawless skin. At the beginning of summer, another tabloid , The Star, showcased the best and worst bikini bodies. Celebrity women like Kate Hudson who had borne babies, lost out to single women who had never had a child, like Jessica Biehl and Cameron Diaz. How cruel was it to show Kate in such a revealing light? Her personal comings and goings are none of our business, I don't care how much she earns.

In the old days, starlets like Jill St. John could rely on the studio system to protect them from unflattering images. Had Jill, shown in an early 70's studio shot, been photographed as unmercifully as some of today's stars, you would have observed the same amount of bumps and lumps on her stomach and thighs as in the examples shown on this post.

A third myth, that some women are not affected by pregnancy at all, is also being perpetuated. Heidi Klum, a mother of three was photographed naked for a German magazine, Arena. Strategically placed hair, pillows, and sheets, and creative camera angles, not to mention a generous dose of airbrushing, made Heidi look next to perfect. Yes, she has great genes, but the subliminal message seems to be, if she can look this great after bearing three children, why can't you?

Any woman over 30 who has had a child knows the true situation: Your skin stretches during pregnancy and is never the same again. In the photo below, taken one month after Heidi bore her second child, she looks remarkable. However, one can still see the tell tale marks of pregnancy in her belly button in this soft, back lit photo. Had this picture been taken in the glare of bright sunshine on a Malibu Beach, we would have had an entirely different perspective.

Going back to the photo of Kate Hudson, here's what one website hawking diets and cellulite pills says: "How did Kate Hudson (who by the way put on as many as 60 lbs. during her pregnancy) manage to get her perfect body back after pregnancy?" These sites and magazines can't have it both ways, folks. Either Kate is perfect, which would make young mothers feel guilty for not being the same, or she's not, which would give those same young women a feeling of comfort or superiority.

Except for the very young, cellulite is a fact of life for 80 -90% of healthy women, even for those who exercise and diet. The National Enquirer photos of super fit sports women and celebrities like Maria Sharapova (below) and Nicolette Sheridan, or even long tall fashion models, seem to bear this out.

Even tall, thin, and lanky Karolina Kurkova, a Victoria's Secret model, shows a few bumps and lumps. Oh, and if you wonder why your clothes don't fit as well as a model's, take a close look at those safety pins holding the back of her top together for the photo shoot.

Celebrities can't win for trying. No matter what they do, they'll be accused of being too thin, too fat, too old, and too riddled with cellulite. Should they go back to wearing bathing suits that look like these to protect themselves from intruding lenses? Perish the thought.

Of course, some women just don't seem to be able to view themselves dispassionately. I'm sure grannie below was boffo in her day, but honestly, couldn't granpa have shoved her in the closet and locked her in before she walked out the door? Placing this photo in this post was a little unfair. (Ok, a lot.) But it illustrates how optimistic we are when we view ourselves in the mirror. I bet granny doffed this getup at home in soft candlelight and saw herself as she was a century ago.

In a less exaggerated way, we all do the same thing, seeing ourselves lighter, younger, and more fit when viewing ourselves in the mirror in the privacy of our homes. But the dispassionate camera lens is seldom forgiving, and that is the rub of these candid paparazzi photos: They are seldom flattering.

The Skinny Website supposedly takes a lighthearted look at celebrity fitness and weight. I hate to tell the blog owner, but it's not. In fact, this site is perpetuating the misconception that the perfect female body is a cellulite free body. Those lumps and bumps that many of those commentators find unsightly are normal for most women, and let me place the emphasis on NORMAL.

So here's the moral to this little story: Remember, dahlings, backlighting is always your friend, as is the golden light just before dusk. And stay away from the paparazzi.

Click below for my other rants on similar topics about beauty and self image.

Lollipop Heads: Or Thoughts from An Amateur Observer

The Skinny on Things

Beauty is as Beauty Does

Lollipop Heads: Or Thoughts from an Amateur Observer

In this post I want to continue the conversation that several bloggers and I, including Damselfly (Damsel in Progress), Miss Xa Xa (Amuse Biatch), and Trixie (from Kora in Hell) began about today's skewed perception of beauty and/or aging. To continue last week's dialogue, people who are already naturally beautiful are being 'enhanced' through the magic of photoshop. Click on Trixie's or Damsel's blogs, or the spot-on comment on Jossip about Faith Hill's Incredible Shrinking Badonkadonk to get a sense of what I mean.

As you continue to read this post, you might enjoy doing so to music sung by the Chordettes, a largely forgotten girl group of the 50's. The song is called Lollipop. Click here and continue reading, unless you want to study the clothes and hairdos of that era - very ladylike and discreet - and the epitome of fashion and feminine beauty 50 years ago.

In this photo, size one Sarah Jessica Parker looks zaftig next to lollipop head Renee Zellweger. From it one can gain a clear idea of my rant this week, which is about weight and beauty. According to the Daily Mail, Renee works out 2 hours per day and takes 12-hour hikes to maintain her emaciated look. More on this later.

Anorexic lollipop heads and long bony arms have been the staple of Hollywood starlets for several years, starting with the Olsen Twins and carried on in proud tradition by Kate Bosworth, Natalie Portman, and Posh Spice, who once used to weigh around 130 lbs. I believe Posh tips the scale at 98 lbs. these days. Nicole Kidman, though naturally thin, has at times resembled a lollipop headed starlet. And as she ages her face has taken on a stretched plastic sheen that begs the question: 'Does she use botox or doesn't she? and 'Why would she do this to herself?'

Even as models and actresses whittle themselves down to nothing, their comic book looks are more exaggerated through the miracle of computer manipulation. Heads and boobs are blow up to enormous sizes, while arms and waists are shrunk down to anorexic proportions.

When my Entertainment Weekly magazine arrived in the mail a couple of months back, I was struck with how perfect Katherine Heigl looked. Too perfect. In fact, she looked ... plastic. Regardless of how young or beautiful we are, Madison Avenue is telling us that our natural beauty just isn't good enough. In addition to stretching and thinning limbs, heads and bodies, a photoshop technician will remove all hints of lines, blemishes, and variations in skin tone. This is done as a matter of course, as demonstrated in this cover of an unknown model. Comparing the before and after, can you spot the various ways this cute young woman was changed to look 'better'?

No wonder our young women are confused. A healthy athletic group like the Rutgers female athletic players has become fair game for a spiteful comment, not because the team played poorly but because these women didn't conform to some strange unreachable standard of fake beauty. When I view this picture I see amazingly healthy, strong, and talented women. For those qualities alone they are beautiful. It saddened me to see these young faces so subdued: Clearly Imus' hateful comment affected them deeply.

Much too often healthy but admittedly heavy young women like American Idol winner Jordin Sparks are told they must lose weight. Obesity expert Meme Roth got slammed for calling Jordin obese. Our new idol winner isn't light, but considering that the camera adds on 20 lbs and that Jordin doesn't jiggle, wears flattering clothes, and acts with a great deal of self confidence tells us that she has a healthier body image than Renee Zelwegger or Nicole Ritchie.

Thin, attenuated bodies were not always the rigeur. Back in the good old days, only servants, slaves, and poor people were thin from lack of food and a great deal of exercise. The rich, because they were idle and could afford to eat and drink in excess were pleasingly plump or downright obese. They also had poor teeth because of the amount of sweets they ingested, and suffered gout, a rich man's disease, from consuming too much fatty protein.

In fact, for primitive man an ample-hipped, well-endowed woman meant fecundity, and those ripples and dimples we so abhor today meant the survival of one's tribe or genetic heritage.

In certain countries this standard for beauty still exists. I recall the day my mother and I entered a small store in some obscure village in Tortolla in the British Virgin Islands to replenish supplies for our rental sail boat. I had proudly whittled my 5' 5" frame down to 114 lbs. so that I could wear bikinis. (I was 22 at the time.) My mom, going through menopause, had been struggling with weight gain. She looked pleasingly plumb, not obese. As we entered the store, the woman behind the counter exclaimed, "Ah, you are so beautiful!" As I began to preen and crow, the woman added, "Nice and fat!" When we returned to the sailboat, Mom and I couldn't stop giggling, much to my father's puzzlement.

Interestingly as the populace in general benefited from a plentiful and easily stored food supply and mechanical transportation in the form of cars, trains, and trams, the masses began to gain weight as rapidly as the upper classes. One other invention changed our perception of beauty: The camera. The photographer's lens loves angles and lines, and dips and hollows. Women like Katherine Hepburn looked sensational, while the more conventional beauty with a round face and plump limbs, like Mae West, looked, well, rather ordinary by comparison.



The tables had turned. Where once it took effort and wealth to gain weight, now everyone could do it, so to speak. These days, it takes money and leisure and a tremendous force of will and effort to look emaciated. As you read previously, Renee Zellweger works out two hours a day. Fresh fruits and vegetables are expensive. Canned spaghetti and boxed macaroni and cheese are not. Also, to take a bite or two of a $50 dollar meal and say 'I am full' must make a huge impression on the jaded.
Knowing what we now know, can we ever be sure that this photo of Eva Longoria in a Bebe Sport advert is really of her? Are her hips really that small? Are her thighs actually so perfect? Does she truly have such spectacularly perfect skin and hair? Think of what was done to Faith Hill's Redbook cover. Faith is a beautiful woman by any stretch of the imagination, but apparently her fit body (how many children has she born?) wasn't good enough for our photoshop magicians, so they streamlined her waist and arms. BTW, isn't Redbook a magazine for the stay at home Mom?

Self perception is a complex, psychological phenomenon. I know from experience, having once attempted to make a living as an artist. My mother-in-law hated the painting a local artist made of her. He painted what he saw - a middle aged, middle class, conservative school teacher. She ripped the painting to shreds (oh yes) and asked me to tackle her portrait. I sweated bullets but it was a huge success. Know why? I painted her as she saw herself. I enlarged her head by 35% and doubled the size of her eyes. The result was a glammed up 'Mom' and the entire family declared that this was exactly how their mom (who died seven years ago) would be remembered. The point is that when we look in the mirror we already see a distortion. This is especially true for women. Psychologists tell us that when we gaze on our reflections we see someone who is 10 lbs. lighter and at least 5-10 years younger. Now society has imposed another layer of deception on top of our self-deception. Again, I ask you, when will the madness end? Until it does, we will be stuck looking at images of this: A woman made to look like a stick figure with big insect eyes and a lollipop head. Heaven help us.
Whose body type do I like? Let's start with J-Lo. She and Beyonce and their feminine curves rock the Casbah.



Heigl Cover in Go Fug Yourself

Mirror, Mirror: A Summary of Research Findings on Body Image

Lollipop Heads Fox

Beauty is as beauty does

An acquaintance of mine, a woman with seemingly everything going for herself--a successful and thriving writing career as a romance author, a handsome husband, two point five children, an adorable dog, and a house in the best new section of town--and who seemed to ooze self-confidence from every pore--actually had a terrible body image.

Ok, so she had a few years on her. And, so she looked like she's had a couple of kids. Life happens.

This successful woman was in awe of my addiction to beautiful, sensuous underwear. Underneath my cute but unremarkable exterior lies a hot, smokin' woman. And with each movement my silken and lace undies remind of that fact.

Now, do I have a perfect body? Not according to Madison Avenue or Self magazine. But me and my Victoria Secrets don't care.

My author friend asked me to help her choose something sexy for her husband once she LOST WEIGHT. I looked askance at her and said, "To your husband you are a beautiful woman. And you'll never look as young and fresh again as you do today. Why are you waiting?"

At an event a couple of weeks later she breezed up to me and said, "Rob wants to thank you!" Turned out she took my advice to heart and bought herself a couple of ravishing bras and thongs. Her eyes sparkled and she looked, well--beautiful.

So, for those of us who are waiting here's my two cents worth: Get over it! Go out and do it now.