I was blown away reading this (old) interview by Vanessa Riley, Project Runway Season One contestant.Was La Pepper as much of a villainess as everyone thinks? Want insight into how Season One worked, as well as an intelligent, thoughtful take on things? Can you spare 15 minutes? The article, suggested by the Project Rungay guys, is rather long but definitely worth the read. Click here.
I still have Christmas on my brain, especially White Christmas as described by Project Gay. I couldn't help but notice in episode eight of PR One how much our 21st century gay boys, Jay and Austin, resembled that quintessential 1950's gay couple, Danny and Bing. Well, perhaps not so much in looks as in flavor._01.jpg)
And how cute is the photo below?
Note: Our evaluation, using the categories below, addresses five crucial performance levels of Kevin Johnns as team leader for the Designing for the Future-The Year 2055 competition. As leader, Kevin is responsible for the whole look of the collection. At the end of this document the judges will determine if Kevin Johnn’s abilities qualify him for a promotion or dismissal.
The categories are:
Achievement , planned objectives, and problem solving:
The objectives as planned were never achieved. The group, running out of time, nixed the idea of creating a pod - the common denominator that would hold the group together. "We have colloration," said Kevin, adding, "We’re really running out of time, so we’re working on our personal looks." For panicking under pressure and finishing only 2/3 of the planned assignment, Kevin rates Two Pods in this category.
Attitude, cooperation, and collaboration:
When chosen, Kevin muttered under his breath, "Lucky me I got chosen as team leader." We heard a hint of sarcasm in that remark. and noted Kevin's reluctance to don the leadership mantle. On the plus side, Kevin was all about cooperation and collaboration as long as he didn’t do the work himself. Seizing all opportunities to collaborate he said, "Kara Saun and I are making decisions together." For his cleverness in delegating responsibility to his fellow designers, which allowed them to strategically plan without him, we give Kevin Four Pods.
Personal Leadership and Supervisory Ability:
Kevin demonstrated an unusual ability to leave his fellow designers alone for great gobs of time so that they could plan behind his back. He cleverly allowed Kara Saun, his second in command, to take the lead in all important matters. Not one to be put auf by a challenge, she happily took over. When we asked Kevin to assess his own performance, he said, "They ask almost too many questions and I’m concerned about my own work. Being team leader is taking 20% of my time away from designing my own masterpiece." Kara Saun interjected, "While Kevin did listen to us, the part of being a great leader is that as a great leader you never let someone come in and take control." For allowing someone else to take over his job, Kevin rates 0 Pods.
Communication Skills:
During his self-assessment, Kevin said about his own performance, "I did go around to individual designers and did make a comment here and there." When asked by the judges to assess Kevin, Austin said, "I would have to say he’s not the best communicator, but in this case he’s trying his best." For that lukewarm endorsement, we give Kevin One Pod.
Creativity, and Quality and Quantity of Work:
Tim, upon entering the workroom exclaimed, "Ayeee, my brain is bleeding. Kevin, yours looks the most separate from the group. It stands out! "Yeah, well, I had 20% less time to complete my outfit," said Kevin. To which Tim replied, "But It’s polished and finished, not deconstructed like the rest. How did you manage that?." The judges also noticed that Kevin’s outfit was the most separate from the group. For encouraging the others to seek out their creative selves, but for poor group cohesiveness, Kevin rates Two Pods.
Final evaluation from the judges:
"Kevin, your leadership skills are sorely lacking and your outfit is the worst of the lot. You'll have to pack up your knives and go. Oh, sorry, wrong show. Do you have anything to add before we auf you?"
"Yes," Kevin said (and I quote verbatum), "What Wendy said about me was a complete surprise. It was the completest scam. It doesn’t pay to be nice, I tell you. She’s a backstabbing Bitch!"
"Well, Kevin, that's putting the blame squarely on someone else's shoulders. We DID ask for her opinion, which put her on the spot. For not owning up to your lack of leadership skills and for designing an outfit that didn't even fit your team's design criteria, you're auf'd!
More Project Runway One recaps:
Episode Seven: Et Tu, Brute?
Episode Six: Bikini Orgy Under a Moondoggie Sky
Judges: Before we decide who's auf'd in this challenge about clothing in 2055, we'd like to ask Wendy about Kevin's performance.
Judges: Thank you, Wendy, for sparking this spirited discussion among your fellow designers. Considering the catfight that will ensue, we wish we could give you a different room at Atlas and space to work in at Parson's, but our cheap producers haven't budgeted for such a contingency. Have no fear. You've only a few more challenges to go. We wish you luck in the next few weeks.
"Yadayadaya. I'm glad she’s history," pronounced Alexandra. "That bitch had talent. She was serious competition. My path to greatness and glory has been cleared. The only designers left with any talent are me, Austin, myself, Kara, and I."
"Oooooh, goody!" Jay cried out, visions of Annette Funicello’s lacquered hair swimming in front of his eyes. He began to dance for joy. He’d always envisioned that this Disneyfied symbol of unattainable virginhood would wear his black leather and S&M straps and reveal lots of bootie.
Hearing the news, Austin thought he’d died and gone to heaven. He loved Esther Williams. He channeled Esther Williams, He WAS Esther Williams reincarnated. (Dahlings, do please click on the bolded link. You won't be sorry.) For this challenge alone he’d been put on this earth. He would design something so glam, so swimmingly divine that Busby Berkeley would be tempted back to life to choreograph a water extravaganza around his smokin' young model Melissa, aka jail bait Lolita.
"Easy for you to say," sniped the usually affable Robert. "I’m trying to find a fabric that will make my model look like a sports car. You think that can be done in a rush? Hey, any vinyl around here? Got anything in 57' Chevy blue?"
Amidst the fever of bathing suit construction, La Pepper looked up from her sewing. Conscious of her sensible girdle with thigh and tummy control panels, she asked rhetorically, "Do I really need to make a thong? I know nothing about thongs. If Britney feels comfortable not wearing any undies in public, why should I make one for Martinique? After all, once you’ve seen one teensy poontang, you’ve seen them all."
"I thought this was a swimsuit challenge?"
Heidi, who had entered the lounge unnoticed in the midst of this model orgy, sidled up to Richard, whose eyeballs were glued to Melissa’s backside. "Shame on you, Dick! What will Sessa say?"
Sessa who?, said Richard, pretending he didn't know Heidi.
"Here," said Tim, handing Richard a 32 oz. flagon of beer. "Hold this in front of your woodie so one will notice what a pervert you are."
The following morning, we find Kevin torn with indecision. He had given Morganza permission to go out and party in his outfit. "Where is she where is she where is Morganza? She promised to show up on time. She promised. I oughta slap the bitch silly."
"A fool is born every minute and you’re one of them," proclaimed Queen Kara. "You shoulda never trusted her or let that bathing suit outta your sight."
But Kevin had no time for meaningful conversation. Morganza had arrived with his suit in tatters.
"It’s not so bad, Kevin," she said sweetly, handing him a few bits of 1" strips. A tuck here, a stitch there, and it’ll look like new."
But Kevin couldn’t hear her. He’d gone catatonic and entered The Twilight Zone.
There were a few more judges on the podium in this episode besides Richard and Heidi. Ginger and Marianne had been asked to contribute their thoughts.
The producers, unable to decide who was their favorite marooned starlet, decided to invite both. After all, who knew more about bathing suits than these two? Ginger had taken along a gazillion for a 3-hour cruise, and Marianne had decades of experience packing her assets into one memorable number.
After much consideration - Richard aka Humbert Humbert asked the models to twirl around a few more times to refresh his memory - the judges’ decision was final.
Austin: The winner. He'd successfully channeled Esther Williams with that bathing suit, oh yes, and on the podium he looked lovelier than Melissa. In fact he receive 10 brownie points for his bouffant hairdo alone. 
The next day, when Austin and Jay opened the New York Post to see who won, Jay could barely contain his astonishment and surprise. How could that news hound whore Queen Austin have won when he - Jay the Magnificent- had designed the cutest little hooker outfit for Annette Funicello? Never mind that his suit was not designed to get wet. It just was not fair!
He grabbed at Austin's perfectly coiffed hair, but Austin quickly eluded him. (You know they were kidding, right? I mean two gays bitch-slapping each other? That marvelous entertainment would take an entire show!)
Alexandra: Auf’d. When asked by the judges: How did you get the inspiration for that suit? She mistakenly said, "Off the Missoni rack. Er, from Michael Kors. Actually, it’s a Kors-Missoni-Mish-Mash. Actually, it’s mine. I unpacked it from my suitcase and put it on my model. I spent too much time at the hairdressers and writing my winning speech, and, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."
The judges actually didn’t mind that she’d ripped off other designers, they just wanted her to shut up. Who knew she could talk? After 15 minutes of nonstop babbling, Ginger, mistakenly thinking she was judging the Gong Show, gonged Alexandra off.
But do not shed a tear for Alexandra, gentle reader. Anticipating a hosting stint in Top Chef 2, Padma Lakshmi stopped by during taping. Taking one look at Alexandra’s suit, she exclaimed, "I must have that divine bikini! It's ticky. It's tacky. It's way too small. And I love it! If Bravo ever hires me, I’ll find some way to wear it."
Stay tuned, Top Chef fans, to see if she did.
Nora,
C’mon. Fess up. You must have thought (like we did) that those nasty purply artificial rose thingies attached to the hem of Melissa’s gown were hideous. Why didn't you stick up for what you believed in and say no to Melissa? She's six years younger than you, for crying out loud, and was still playing with her Barbies when you attended design school. You should have had one of your diva moments when it counted, like now.
And, girlfriend, what were you thinking when you chose that heinous liver-colored dye? If you wanted purple, then you should have gone for the color like Michael Urie did! I mean, look how s/he owns it!
If you were shooting for this beautiful red, you were off by a mile!
I know you had only two days to complete the competition. But in Project Runway time, two days is an eternity.
Just in case you find yourself in this situation again, let me submit a few ideas for your consideration.
Begin by creating the simple, edgy gown you meant to make from the start.
Then, if Melissa still insists on having roses and romance on her big day, consider purchasing real rose petals and having her walk barefoot over them down
the runway.
You might also order personalized rose petals with the images of Heidi, Ninotchka, and Michael engraved on them.
Ask Melissa to strew the petals over the judges as she passes by them. This will garner brownie points. (Remember Uli's "Hi Ladies" dog coat?)
Alrightee then, I think I've said enough on the subject.
Let's hope you've learned from this unfortunate mistake and put the experience behind you.
Honestly, if you'd been asked to design a wedding gown for J.C. Penney, you'd have won hands down.
I'm convinced he got his weekly challenges mixed up and that he meant to submit this frilly frou frou confection for the wedding challenge instead.
For more about Project One and the funniest recaps, click on Project Rungay and Eric Three Thousand.
You can also listen to Tim Gunn and Austin at Mood in this very short sound bite.
