It's a Pink Navy!

Look what's newly steamed into view in the Top Designer blog harbor, chiclets: Pink Navy!

Ah, the title conjuresup visions of Cary Grant and Tony Curtis. Those two handsome doofuses were steamrollered by those clever WWII nurses in Operation Petticoat. In their quest to show how resourceful they were, these brave pointy bra'd women even ungirdled their girlie loins to fix all those rusted but manly pipes.


Our fearless nurses sacrificed their flat stomachs in order to give that evil man Hitler (that dastardly Teutonic Non Plus Ultra Uber bastard) a, er, well, uh, to ...

Yes, Charlus and Miss XaXa have toiled and sweated and slaved for weeks to spawn Pink Navy from their fertile minds! Get ready, dahlings, for what promises to be the most fabulous bitchy fun this season. (Well, next to Top Design Blogger, that is.) And don't blame me if you think Charlus' and Miss XaXa's observations are a wee bit acerbic and over the top!

Upon hearing that Charlus was arriving mis-en-scene to cleverly stage the unveiling of Pink Navy, Miss XaXa, fresh from her visit with Chef Carlos, grabbed her pink submarine bag and dashed off to Miami's harbor. She arrived just in time to see Charlus head a phalanx (or phallus?) of pink vehicles, ready to do verbal battle with those who would arbite our tastes!






Ah, dahlings. Can you wait just a few days? I can't. Click here, sweetlings, for a sneak peek!

Top Chef 2: Miss XaXa and Chef Carlos Trip the Dish Fantastic

After leaving Wiki Watchee, Miss Xa Xa high TAILED it down to Fort Lauderdale for her assignation with Chef Carlos, passing the fabulous beaches near St. Augustine in her fabulous T-Bird.













Brringgg!

Ms. Place: "Ja?"

Miss XaXa: "Missy, Sweetie, I'm only hours from the Hi-Life Cafe! I simply can't contain myself"

Ms. Place: "Am totally jealous, dahling. Am swallowing my disappointment by sunbathing on my cousin's beach in Curacao!




Ms. XaXa: "Dayum, Missy. I wished you'd come along instead of sulking on some tropical island with your tush hanging out. Chef Carlos is SPECIAL!

Ms. Place: "Don't I know it, Sweetie. I am BEREFT. Send me photos of your meeting, will ya?"

Miss XaXa: "Funny you mentioned. Here are some post cards of Fort Lauderdale to keep you happy...."

And a few photos of when I arrived at the Hi-Life Cafe!

Oh, Missy, I just couldn't contain myself!

Look how darling Chef Carlos looked when he greeted me!

Don't we make the cutest couple? I had an absolute blast, Missy. Carlos is such a hoot! I mean, just take a gander at one of his more conservative Sunday Suits!"

Chef Carlos insisted on making his special Coca Cola cake in honor of meee!

Recipe for Coca Cola Cake (Not Chef Carlos'!)

But this silly man thought the cake was a slurpie and insisted on licking it off his plate!

Believe me, our dear chef took it all in good stride!

I HATED to leave. Well, ta, dahling. Be home soon! Can't wait to share my trip with you.

Top Chef 2: Miss Xa Xa Continues Her Journey to Visit Chef Carlos

"Ta, dahling, so nice you visited us in Savannah. Tell Chef Carlos we love him!"

"Bye, XaXa, sweetie! T'was wonderful seeing you in Daytona Beach. Don't forget us, girlfriend!"

Tearing down 301 in her T-Bird, and reminiscing about Esther Williams, her favorite Diva swim star, Miss XaXa decided to make a pit stop in Wiki Watchee and swim with the fabulous mermaids who have assembled for their annual mermaid reunion.

The place was looking a bit retro, but Miss XaXa didn't mind. She'd studied architecture, and simply adored the likes of Eero Saarinen and Edward Durell Stone.
As soon as she entered the theme park, the mermaids greeted her. "Wanna swim?" they begged her.

Miss XaXa couldn't wait to don her fish tails, which she kept in the back of her T-bird trunk.


"Wrrilll yhhhou ssttaayy wittth uss (bubble bubble) a whhhille lonnnngggerrrr?"

"Naaaahh, dddahhlinng, havveto see Cheeffff Charrrloss. Ammm leahhvin tohhhhmooohrow.



"Orange you glad you stopped by?"

"Course, dahlings."

"What's your next stop, sweetie?"

"Fort Lauderdale and those beautiful boys at the Hi Life Cafe. Got to put the pedal to the medal! They're waiting for me!"

Top Chef 2: Miss Xa Xa Crosses Into Florida and Finds an Outfit to Impress Chef Carlos

After crossing the border Miss Xa Xa stops in the cutest little boutique in St. Augustine.






And finds the most darling little black dress and hat to wear when she meets Chef Carlos at the Hi-Life Cafe.

Approaching Daytona Beach, she calls her friend Shelley. ""Dahling, mind if I crash your pad for one night?"

"Not if you mind sharing a room with my friend, Babs."

"Who?"

"Barbara Eden? You know, she collects bottles and likes to wear pink."

"Ah, yes."

"So glad you decided to stop by! I've got the perfect song for Chef Carlos. I'll give you the CD and you can play it for him!"

"What's it called, Sweetie?"

"Johnny Angel. I wrote it for that cad, Johnny, but he ran off to the Caribbean to act in some stupid pirate movie and I haven't seen him since. Just substitute Carlos any time you hear the name Johnny. Works just as well!"



"Oh, dahling, can't wait to give him this sweet song. See you in a few hours. Ta!"

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Boll Weevil: Miss Xa Xa Continues Her Trip South to See Chef Carlos

Ah, Miss Xa Xa has reached Savannah! A city filled with exquisite magnolia perfume and decorated with long swaying strands of Spanish Moss. She'lll be spending her second night in this superb southern city as she wends her way south to meet Chefs Carlos and Chuck at the Hi-Life Cafe.

We eavesdrop in on Ms. Place and Miss Xa Xa's cell phone conversation to find out what these two friends are up to:

Ms. Place: "Dahling! You're in Savannah! Land of Southern Hospitality and that fahbulous Johnny Mercer. Am tres jaloux."

Miss Xa Xa: "Thank you, dahling. Am staying with a friend, Lady Chablis. You heard of her?"

"That fabulous creature from "Club One? The one known as The Doll, Y'Mama?" Was she not famously quoted as saying, "Two tears in a bucket, mother, f*ket?"

"Good recall...she's so OUT there, and leaves nothing to the imagination...so provocative. We all should be like her.

"Dahling, I agree. Chablis is sooo USA Southern Belle. I adore her knack for sexy dresses, strip shows, and generous gentlemen of whatever race and gender!"

"Yes, well, as you know I LIVE by her famous credo, being a brunette like her!"

"Of course you would, dahling. Isn't Chablis friends with that dahling man, Johnny Mercer? The song writer who resembles Charlus?"


"Ah, yes. They do look somewhat alike, don't they? Johhny put out this sweet, dear record, which Charlus and I so enjoyed over the holidays."




"And don't forget Moon River, dahling. His opus extraordinaire."



"Oh, how I wish I could stay longer in Savannah! Well, dahling, gotta meet Bobby and Steph at the Waterfront. We're visiting Bobby's fave restaurants and sampling the most divine Southern dishes."

"Ta, Miss Xa Xa! As you continue your journey, I'll leave you with the immortal words of Lee Smith, your fave southern writer: 'The biggest myth about Southern women is that we are frail types--fainting on our sofas...nobody where I grew up every acted like that. We were about as fragile as coal trucks.' Ha!"

"Thanks, dahling. I just adore that woman. Will ring you again when I reach Florida!"

Ms. XaXa's In Charleston

Charleston. Ah. This beautiful city is situated in the heart of the antebellum South. Majestic mansions. Home to Fort Sumter. Hostess to a host of restaurants with sumptious Southern cookin'. And home to the original exercise tape: The Charleston, coming to you from YouTube.








Miss Xa Xa is getting closer and closer to Chefs Chuck and Carlos. In the meantime, they are getting ready for her.