Top Chef 2: Miss XaXa and Chef Carlos Trip the Dish Fantastic

After leaving Wiki Watchee, Miss Xa Xa high TAILED it down to Fort Lauderdale for her assignation with Chef Carlos, passing the fabulous beaches near St. Augustine in her fabulous T-Bird.













Brringgg!

Ms. Place: "Ja?"

Miss XaXa: "Missy, Sweetie, I'm only hours from the Hi-Life Cafe! I simply can't contain myself"

Ms. Place: "Am totally jealous, dahling. Am swallowing my disappointment by sunbathing on my cousin's beach in Curacao!




Ms. XaXa: "Dayum, Missy. I wished you'd come along instead of sulking on some tropical island with your tush hanging out. Chef Carlos is SPECIAL!

Ms. Place: "Don't I know it, Sweetie. I am BEREFT. Send me photos of your meeting, will ya?"

Miss XaXa: "Funny you mentioned. Here are some post cards of Fort Lauderdale to keep you happy...."

And a few photos of when I arrived at the Hi-Life Cafe!

Oh, Missy, I just couldn't contain myself!

Look how darling Chef Carlos looked when he greeted me!

Don't we make the cutest couple? I had an absolute blast, Missy. Carlos is such a hoot! I mean, just take a gander at one of his more conservative Sunday Suits!"

Chef Carlos insisted on making his special Coca Cola cake in honor of meee!

Recipe for Coca Cola Cake (Not Chef Carlos'!)

But this silly man thought the cake was a slurpie and insisted on licking it off his plate!

Believe me, our dear chef took it all in good stride!

I HATED to leave. Well, ta, dahling. Be home soon! Can't wait to share my trip with you.

Top Chef 2: Miss Xa Xa Continues Her Journey to Visit Chef Carlos

"Ta, dahling, so nice you visited us in Savannah. Tell Chef Carlos we love him!"

"Bye, XaXa, sweetie! T'was wonderful seeing you in Daytona Beach. Don't forget us, girlfriend!"

Tearing down 301 in her T-Bird, and reminiscing about Esther Williams, her favorite Diva swim star, Miss XaXa decided to make a pit stop in Wiki Watchee and swim with the fabulous mermaids who have assembled for their annual mermaid reunion.

The place was looking a bit retro, but Miss XaXa didn't mind. She'd studied architecture, and simply adored the likes of Eero Saarinen and Edward Durell Stone.
As soon as she entered the theme park, the mermaids greeted her. "Wanna swim?" they begged her.

Miss XaXa couldn't wait to don her fish tails, which she kept in the back of her T-bird trunk.


"Wrrilll yhhhou ssttaayy wittth uss (bubble bubble) a whhhille lonnnngggerrrr?"

"Naaaahh, dddahhlinng, havveto see Cheeffff Charrrloss. Ammm leahhvin tohhhhmooohrow.



"Orange you glad you stopped by?"

"Course, dahlings."

"What's your next stop, sweetie?"

"Fort Lauderdale and those beautiful boys at the Hi Life Cafe. Got to put the pedal to the medal! They're waiting for me!"

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Boll Weevil: Miss Xa Xa Continues Her Trip South to See Chef Carlos

Ah, Miss Xa Xa has reached Savannah! A city filled with exquisite magnolia perfume and decorated with long swaying strands of Spanish Moss. She'lll be spending her second night in this superb southern city as she wends her way south to meet Chefs Carlos and Chuck at the Hi-Life Cafe.

We eavesdrop in on Ms. Place and Miss Xa Xa's cell phone conversation to find out what these two friends are up to:

Ms. Place: "Dahling! You're in Savannah! Land of Southern Hospitality and that fahbulous Johnny Mercer. Am tres jaloux."

Miss Xa Xa: "Thank you, dahling. Am staying with a friend, Lady Chablis. You heard of her?"

"That fabulous creature from "Club One? The one known as The Doll, Y'Mama?" Was she not famously quoted as saying, "Two tears in a bucket, mother, f*ket?"

"Good recall...she's so OUT there, and leaves nothing to the imagination...so provocative. We all should be like her.

"Dahling, I agree. Chablis is sooo USA Southern Belle. I adore her knack for sexy dresses, strip shows, and generous gentlemen of whatever race and gender!"

"Yes, well, as you know I LIVE by her famous credo, being a brunette like her!"

"Of course you would, dahling. Isn't Chablis friends with that dahling man, Johnny Mercer? The song writer who resembles Charlus?"


"Ah, yes. They do look somewhat alike, don't they? Johhny put out this sweet, dear record, which Charlus and I so enjoyed over the holidays."




"And don't forget Moon River, dahling. His opus extraordinaire."



"Oh, how I wish I could stay longer in Savannah! Well, dahling, gotta meet Bobby and Steph at the Waterfront. We're visiting Bobby's fave restaurants and sampling the most divine Southern dishes."

"Ta, Miss Xa Xa! As you continue your journey, I'll leave you with the immortal words of Lee Smith, your fave southern writer: 'The biggest myth about Southern women is that we are frail types--fainting on our sofas...nobody where I grew up every acted like that. We were about as fragile as coal trucks.' Ha!"

"Thanks, dahling. I just adore that woman. Will ring you again when I reach Florida!"

Miss Xa Xa Starts Her Trip South

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Miss Xa Xa from Amuse Biatch has started her trip South in her 57 Ford Thunderbird on Route 301 to visit Chefs Carlos and Chuck in Miami!

First stop? South of the Border on the North Carolina/South Carolina border in Dillon, S.C. to purchase a special gift for two very special men.

"Dirty Old Man" shop in the back of the store presents possibilities. Her biggest dilemma is deciding what exotic gift Chefs Carlos and Chuck would like. Instead of salt and pepper shakers in the shape of female mammary glands, perhaps they'd prefer a nice selection of assorted fireworks? Or perhaps a one of a kind t-shirt? What do you think?