Project Runway Four: Christian Meets the Rock of Gilbraltar ....

... in the form of Maddie, a sweet, innocent Catholic School Girl, whose experience of the world at a private school run by the brides of Christ is limited and whose potential is still being developed. Upon seeing what Christian had in mind for her, this darling, shy, retiring and delicate young blossom, poised on the threshold of womanhood, squeezed Christian by the balls and ground him and his goofball prom dress ideas into a thousand emasculated pieces under her school uniform shoes. She then took out her trusty .5 mm Pentel Sharp mechanical pencil (a product placement opportunity Bravo missed) and made hash work of Christian's mess, adding her own subtle touches.

Miss Thing, upset that her genius was being challenged by a mere child, began to bray like a donkey. Tim Gunn described the exchange between Maddie and Christian in more gentlemanlike terms, "Some may say that his client, Maddie, was difficult. I prefer to say that she was just being an opinionated client. But it was a battle of the wills, and Maddie dared to throw hubris in the face of an angry god."

Hah! I say that when Maddie saw that Christian was gonna make her look like Sissy Spacek in "Carrie" after pig blood was poured over her, she decided to take matters into her own opinionated hands. Our Catholic girlfriend knows what she wants and she thought she knew how to get it. Problem is, she hasn't taken a class in College Physics yet. When an immovable object meets an immovable object, all you get is .... KABOOM!

"Yo, bro, if you think I'm wearing this shapeless brown turd to my prom, you've got another think coming."

Yoohoo! Bravo producers! I changed my mind. Can I choose this gorgeous specimen of manhood instead? Please, please, please!

I suppose Christian got his revenge: Poor Maddie looks like a chocolate truffle. Her face is gorgeous and she has a sexy figure. WTF was Christian thinking? Ah, well. Smile, girlfriend. It's not like the whole world watches Bravo. Only a couple of million of us.

Up next:

Ricky receives eye surgery, in which his tear ducts are permanently sealed with Elmer's glue, Bravo's next sponsor.

Victorya continues her Teacher's Pet lessons in order to keep her in the competition with her mind numbingly similar and shapeless sad sack dresses.

Chris is contacted by Laz Luhrmann to star in his next movie about circuses AND to design and wear all the costumes.

Rami drapes all the presidential contenders in red, white, and blue.

Kit's hunky prom date contacts her and they "relive" that last glorious evening they spent together.

Sweet P seeks out Dr. Phil in between his ambulance chasing sessions with Britney, hoping to gain insight as to why her vastly superior dress did not win this week's competition.

Jillian practices five different facial expressions in front of a mirror hoping she'll get one right.

Inspired by all those Catholic school girls, Christian goes on retreat in a monastery to acquire humility and meet some hunky men.

Upon learning that Kevin was aufed, Ms. Place finds solace in all the gin joints in Richmond, searching for a reason to keep watching this uneven season now that one of her favorite designers has been ignominiously and unfairly booted. In her humble opinion, Ricky's bland design was far, far worse.