Project Runway: The Wrestling Diva Edition

We just knew it was Chris's turn, didn’t we dahlings? The moment we saw those grunting, gyrating WWE Divas with stomachs as hard as cast iron and perky plastic chest appendages that rival Pamela Anderson’s impressive but artificially inflated two-pack, we could forecast who would win this week.

Chris took on the assignment of dressing his leopard loving Diva in a tight, strapped wrestling outfit with all the honor befitting her, er, inside position. (For wrestling terminology, please consult this helpful glossary). Knowing exactly the moves that were required, he created a sexy caped costume with the speed and skill of a Saville Row tailor.

Oh, how I adore the gloriousness of extreme bad taste and this Project Runway episode had it in spades. Our wonderful Chris instinctively knew what would be required of him, and with an assured forward step he boldly penetrated the challenge of creating an outfit for the wrestling arena.

Whereas our nasolacrimally-challenged Ricky hadn’t a clue what to do with a REAL woman whose profession is to writhe, toss, sweat, and butt chests for a living. And so he created a fashion rearward tangerine-colored bathing suit that could have been sold through a 1970’s SEARS catalog. This PR assignment pinned him to the runway mat and the judges had no choice but to cut him loose. Ho hum. How come we were not surprised, except that it took the judges so long to arrive at this decision?

For Rami and Sweet P it was pure luck that Ricky violated his position, thereby saving their exposed asses. Rami created a raspberry sherbet skirted mess that no self-respecting wrestling Momma who likes to dictate the action would wear.

Sweet P created a whizzer of an outfit, more suited for a performing cockatoo than an advantage/top athlete whose chest-to-chest maneuvers is the sort of stuff that WWE legends are made of.
Jillian and Christian channeled their inner bad taste and went for the gusto, creating two such delightfully kitschy outfits that they had me wish I’d been doing 600 daily sit-ups for the past 10 years. Jillian’s electrified blue short shorts and Alice in Wonderland white socks had her Diva dreaming of squat back stances and hand controls.

And Christian so relished creating an outfit for a woman with breasts and hips, that he could not contain himself, arm wrestling Sweet P to show off his testosteronies. His lace and leather outfit had me almost believe that beneath all his girlie posturing hides the heart and soul of a 300 lb. lumberjack.
Our models walked head up onto the runway, the lower globes of their impressively muscular buttocks half bared. Goodness, there was not a jiggle or a hint of cellulite within range of a table top stance. Michael Kors felt so out of his element observing real women who actually ate more than a stick of celery once a month, that it almost blew his mind, and for once words escaped him.

Our guest judges, Heatherette's Richie Rich and Traver Rains, totally dug this assignment, slavering over Chris’s and Christian’s outfits like wrestlers who’d been hip heisted and two-on-oned. For once Nina seemed lip locked, except for her comments about Ricky’s outfit, and Heidi was uncharacteristically silent as she mentally added up the cost of a nice little lace, leopard, and leather number to wear for Seal.

And so now we are down to five. Except for Sweet P’s longevity and Kevin’s too early ouster, there are no surprises here. We’re in the last stretch now. Anyone wanna guess who will be in the finals?

Project Snoozefest

Ah, denim, the all American cloth. Denim jeans were first invented in 1853 by Leo Strauss for gold miners who needed sturdy clothing as they grubbed for gold. Denim is now one of the favored cloths of gold diggers who troll for rich veins in less confined spaces.

Let’s face it, denim is available everywhere, in every corner of this world, in upscale boutiques in Paris or tucked away on a dusty shelf in some general store in a tiny town in Vermont. When I heard this week’s PR assignment – to create an iconic denim look that captures the spirit of 501 legacy - I knew I would have trouble staying awake. As far as I’m concerned, denim has been done to death, and there’s not much one can do with it that surprises me any more.

This week the Project Runway designers brought out my fears in full force with their tepid creations.

First, let’s just dismiss these two coats right away. Jillian and Victorya were coasting on their previous success. I could just read their thought processes: 'Mmmm, a coat nearly won us the competition last time; let’s try it again!'

Here’s where denim’s stiff unforgiving and unyielding nature came to the fore – those coats were bulky and awkward. They made the models look short and dumpy, and that’s quite a feat. But because Jillian actually attempted to construct a garment from scratch, she was saved from being Heide-whacked. My thoughts about Victorya sit on a previous post.

Then there are these problematic denim tube cocktail dresses to consider: Where on earth would you wear them except to a party, play, or restaurant? And having worn these novelty dresses once, would you wear them again? To my way of thinking, an iconic denim outfit should be worn in many different settings and become dramatically changed with accessories. These three dresses are so limited to where they could be worn, or how they can be changed, or by the type of figure that could wear them, that most women would be wasting their money purchasing one.

And how is Ricky’s dress better than Rami’s? Both are chuck full of interesting detail. Please don’t tell me that Ricky won because he’s never won before and because his model resembled Amy Winehouse. Please don’t. And how many women would really wear a pleated ruffle so high above their knees? Count how many times you've seen such a ruffle on little girls clothing, and tell me you would seriously wear such a design. (Ooops, enough people apparently, for the darned dress based on Ricky's design sold out in a New York minute.)

Chris’s outdated and unflattering dress isn’t worth much of a look. Been there, done that. When I saw the design in progress, I began to get worried, thinking, ‘Uh, oh, he’s gonna get Heidi-whacked for sure.’

As an aside, has anyone notice how fit Chris is getting? Compared to his first run for the fabric in Epi One, he was almost able to keep up with the group. You go, Chris! One of these days you’ll beat them to the punch!
Which brings me to Kit! - My Name is Sweet P. Will surprises never cease? I think her design won Nina and Heidi over, but it didn't wow Ms. 501. This dress is wearable and can be worn in a variety of settings, depending on the accessories. Yeah, it can be a cocktail dress, but add a casual jacket, and you could easily wear this to the office, since the skirt is modest in length. Our office water cooler crew noticed the defects in construction, especially where the seams met at the waist, but we quibble. Compared to Ricky’s too youthful winning design, this one attracted the notice of almost every woman at the office, regardless of age. Food for thought.

Kit! - My Name is Sweet P has come a long, long way since Epi One, and I am beginning to think she just may last longer than some people suspect.

And now we come to my vote for the winning look in my book – Christian’s. He took an old tired look and brought it forward. One of the younger snarkers at the office remarked, “But you’re too old for that look, Ms. Place. You couldn't possibly wear it.” After I decked her and bloodied her nose, I observed that I could take that look and modify it and make it my own. I love how this outfit reflects Christian’s design point of view and how it stands out from the others. He ‘invented’ something new, adding jacket sleeves to the pants legs, extending them and creating spats with the cuffs. Yeah, that stiff fabric was unwieldy, but this look could be recreated with stretch denim. Even my stumpy legs would look long in those fabulous pants. And this look is flexible. It is equally suitable for a walk in the city, to an art gallery opening, at a restaurant, in a grocery store, to a rock concert, to class, to the museum, hanging around with friends, a trip to Europe, or casual Fridays. Need I say more? Well done, Christian, you should have won.

Now we come to the reason for my title for this post. I snoozed through the runway show. I kid you not. I’d already made up my mind about the winning design before the models strutted in front of the judges, and nothing anybody said made me sit up and take notice, so I took a nap. I woke up just in time to throw my shoe at my TV set when Ricky won. Wrong decision, judges. Ricky’s design was not a fashion forward iconic look.

By the way, WTF were the designers wearing? Would you folks, meeting these folks on the street, ever mistake them for clothing designers?

Project Runway Rant

Dahlings,

J.Z., a friend, recently sent this email about last week's PR episode. Her pithy comments about Project Runway 4 are well worth reading for the chuckles . Ms. Place might be a wee bit snarky, but she comes by this trait honestly. As you can see, her friends in Richmond are of equal mind and bent.

I have a few more rants that I need to say to someone who understands. You are the ONLY person I know who is watching Project Runway with the same enthusiasm as I.

If they don't replace that ratty looking bag the names are drawn out of... One of the challenges should be to create a container that's runway worthy and goes with Heidi's couture outfits. As it is, she looks like she's dragging around a bedraggled velvet teddy bear. (Hey, J.Z., what if she carried THIS bag?)

What about that avant garde challenge? Where do we draw the line between cutting edge and costume-y? The winning outfit (Chris and Christian's) was nothing anybody would ever wear to any place but a costume party. The model was obviously having trouble carrying around that Frankenstein hump coming out of the back of the collar.

Jillian and Victoria's 3-piece outfit, Matrix Redux, was so immaculately tailored and high fashion -- AND they did construct three intricate pieces. They should have won IMO.

How is it that Sweet Pea is all covered in tattoos and piercings, and still she looks like a dumpy house frau? How does she do that? I know you think Christian is hateful, but I love everything about him. I swoon when he prances and shows the models how to move. He's the doppelganger of my niece A--.

Project Runway 4: Victorya's Auf

This past week I've wondered if I've been too rough in my assessment of Victorya, calling her one of the judges' pets. I haven't been a fan of her designs, and have sometimes wondered how she was able to coast through. She also seemed somewhat too self-assured for the designs she was sending down the runway. And she couldn't work collaboratively to save her life. But then Bravo's editors slipped up, and they included a few scenes in which Victorya said downright sweet and lovely things about the departed designers. We got a glimpse of Victorya, the compassionate woman.


I can't blame Victorya for looking so listless throughout this episode. I had trouble staying awake myself, and nodded off a couple of times as the designs came down the the runway. Last week I said I would have been just as pleased if Victorya's and Gillian's coat had won. This week, it was a toss up as to whose coat was worse. Gillian squeaked ahead, I suspect, because she actually created a garment. Victorya simply made a few alterations. For her lack of imagination she was aufed.

Good luck in your future endeavors, Victorya. I hope this exposure on Bravo gives your career a hefty boost.

Project Runway: Over the Big Top

We always knew he had it in him, didn't we dahlings? From the first time we saw that fabulous purple and green gown in Episode One, we knew our big huggy fashion bear would go far. How do you say Talented with a capital T? How do spell mouthwatering fashion? C-H-R-I-S.

Ok, so Christian had some input, as my friend Branch Water pointed out. Those ruffles were his idea and those tucks didn't come out of nowhere. But the sheer scope and size and outrageousness of the IDEA came from Chris. As sure as the air is polluted in Shanghai that ruffled halo and its execution came from the mind that incorporated pretzels into a bra.


This lush and luscious over the top treatment reminded me of the yummy costumes Cecil Beaton created for Audrey Hepburn to wear in My Fair Lady.

How can you not adore all this drama? This is what fashion is all about. This scrumptious creation screams LOOK AT ME, just as Cecil's hat did for Audrey. The trick is that neither designer overpowered their wearer. Well, in Chris's case perhaps slightly. But our man had only one and a half days to complete his masterpiece. Cecil had all the time in the world.

Contrast the over the top outfit with Christian's read-to-wear, where we go from Audrey Hepburn to...

... dowdy librarians wearing high-necked tops. C'mon Christian, stop hiding the female body. Stop being afraid of it. We won't bite you, promise.

Need anyone say more about the inequity of the partner system in Project Runway? Just because Christian was team leader doesn't mean he should have won. Yes, he and Chris worked well together. But, sheez, Nina and Michael. Even you two must have realized that Chris was the genius who drove this winning engine.


Victorya and Jillian whined and whinnied louder than the horses that inspired this great hairdo. I wouldn't be surprised to see variations of it sprouting up in Richmond soon.


Despite the designers' incessant nattering, the moment I saw their equestrian creation I was immediately transported to a time of elegance, dandies, and a certain attitude of je ne sais quoi.

Underneath that fabulously dramatic coat, were a shirt and riding breeches that reminded me of Jessica Biehl in The Illusionist. Women look HOT in these outfits, which make their tushies shine.


In fact, Victorya's and Jillian's outfit looks fiercer and edgier than any equestrian clothing I've seen in real life. The coat is to die for and the choice of the plaid lining and ruffles was sheer genius. Well done, team. I would not have been overly upset had you won.

Which brings us to Rami, whose personal performance disappointed me as much as his professional judgment. This gown was his idea from conception to completion.

And all he wound up making was lingerie.

The look was far from over the top ... so far from it that he nearly put the judges to sleep and was rightly one of the bottom two designers.

Not that this outfit represents fashion, per se, but Rami was totally flummoxed by his model's angelic hairdo. It would have served him better if he'd gone against it ... and created something totally outrageous and off the wall like this little Las Vegas inspired number.


And now we come to Kit, our edgy designer. WTF happened?


How do you say Hollie Hobbie morphed into a bedspread with a satin ruffle?


"Well, I don't care what you silly people think. I like it. I really, really like it. Miss Mellie would've worn the gown to the Glorious Sons of the Confederacy Ball."


How do you say aufwiedersehen, Kit? Not that Ricky's K-Mart and Wal*Mart inspired design was all that much better, but Kit had chosen that awful fabric and it was all that Ricky had to work with. Still, HTF is he still hanging around?There's nothing inspiring about this dress, which is about as good as anything Ricky has been able to come up with. As we've all noted with Christian, the leader takes the glory, but like Kit the leader also takes the fall for the team. This is one reason why Bravo should reconsider assigning so many team projects in one season. Not only are three more than enough, we viewers are really more interested in the designs of the individual designers. These contestants have had to compromise their vision three times. Enough is enough!!

Still, my overall assessment of this PR season has risen . We've had three excellent episodes in a row without interruption. How do you say Brava Bravo? Thanks for getting the show back on track.

KIT Aufed From Project Runway? Noooooooo!

Yeah, her dress was awful, but this episode points out more than any other that if the team loses, the leader's head is on the chopping block.

Ricky should have been booted off a long time ago. And why he was allowed to stay after designing this Wal*Mart knockoff is beyond me. What the hell were the judges thinking?

Isn't this the third team challenge for this season? I'm sick of it already.

Assessing the Runway

Guest Judge Gilles Mendel’s Prom Dress Advice: (2-minute video conversation condensed) “You know it has to be very sophisticated and young and you know, full of color. And fun. You know, like sophisticated but young. And colorful. Like young and fun, but at the same time sophisticated. And with color. She has to be a young woman, like, you know, who dresses young and has fun.”

What do you get when you combine the tacky winning judge's pet dress with the loser’s?






















A Blue FLYYYYY Special! I kid you not. Notice the hem, ahem.

Jillian: How do you spell Bridesmaid Dress? Actually, this is one of those looks that would pass muster for a father/daughter Purity Ball, you know, where the daughter makes one of those Virginity Pledges, thereby identifying herself as a Monica Lewinski practician.

In fact, with that outdated hair and old-fashioned color this contemporary miss could play John Boy's sister, Erin.

Rami: How do you pronounce Mother of the Bride Dress? Speaking of mothers, mine chose appliances of the same color for her kitchen in 1973!

Kit: Yeah, cute dress. HATE the bland hair. HATE the ordinary shoes. In fact, she looks like a matador’s momma wearing a young, flirty dress.

Ricky: Shoulda Been Aufed Dress #1: Client: “Please design a dress that will add ten pounds on my voluptuous figure, so I can resemble a meringue puff.” Ricky (dabbing at his eyes with a handkerchief) "I'll try my best."

Chris: I Wuz Robbed Dress #1: How do you say, Adorable, Young, Colorful? How do you say, Makes the Client Happy? How did the judges not see "Winner" when they saw this darling dress float down the runway? Adore the dress 100%. The styling? Meh.

Sweet P: I Wuz Robbed Dress #2: I would have been happy if Sweet P's dress had also won.

Christian: Shoulda Been Aufed Dress #2: 'Perhaps this mess I’m wearing will look more presentable if I give you a different pose.'

'Nope.'