Nov 29, 2007

Around the Water Cooler: Dishin' Project Runway

Our water cooler crowd at the office was so disappointed in this week's PR episode that all they could discuss was the boring results. We did not fault the designers, since they were given barely enough time to complete a daunting task: to create a 3-piece outfit for Tiki Barber to wear on The Today Show.

First, Tiki's body is 5'9" of rock hard solid muscle. And he has no neck. Well, he does, but it has a 5'9" circumference. The outfit would need meticulous tailoring. However, our designers were given less than two days to complete the challenge. Whaa? Right away we knew the tight timing would skew the results.

So, here's our take on the outfits. Only four of us had the wherewithal to snark these less than sterling menswear designs: Ms. Place, Branch H2O, Major Bitchin', and Land Mine (who makes her last appearance this week, as she moves on to greener pastures.)

Miss Thing: I have no opinion about any of these outfits. They're all too bland. So, taa!
Land Mine: This looks like a waiter's jacket.
Branch H2O: "Ah, yes, boy, you may take my order now."
Major Bitchin': That black collar is Audrey Hepburnesque

Sweet P
Land Mine: Horrendous!
Ms. Place: This is how an air traffic comptroller must look after a plane has crashed.
Branch H2O: It looks like he tried to hang himself for wearing that shitty shirt - and then fell off the gallows.

Land Mine: Loved this. This was my favorite. B'sides, Steven is cool.
Branch H2O: I loved it. It's classic, well fitted, and that thing around his neck gives it some edge.
Ms. Place: Prep school 1936 or Brideshead Revisited. All this outfit needs is a teddy bear.
Major Bitchin': Loved Steven's spandex and football comment.

Bitchin' Major: That poor man - That boring suit's way too large. He's swimming in it.
Land Mine: Russian KGB man during the Cold War.
Ms. Place: A yummy man disguised as an accountant.
Branch H2O: He has more pins in him than a porcupine. As for Ricky, I wish the Bitch would just stop crying.

Ms. Place: Eeww. GM factory worker circa 1955.
Branch H2O: Bland, like toast. I don't have much to say about this.
Land Mine: I think THIS looks like a members only jacket. It's too casual for The Today Show.

Land Mine: This look is way too preppy.
Branch H2O: Yeah, too preppy. The fleece is interesting, but the rest is ordinary - khakis paired with an ordinary shirt.
Major Bitchin': Yawn
Ms. Place: I couldn't understand why the judges were so enamored with this. Perhaps it was sewn well.
Ms. Place: In that outfit, the model looks like a young Tony Soprano.
Branch H2O: Or a gay gangster. Actually, this would be a great look with a different shirt.
Major Bitchin': The proportions are off. The shirt's skin tight in the wrong places.
Land Mine: Yeah, you're right. The proportions are off. The sleeves are way too tight. And did he mean to leave the shirt untucked? It's too short.

Ms. Place: Chris Daughtry could wear this.
Branch H2O: I like it. It's plain and simple, yet the shirt's stylish and adds a bit of funk.
Major Bitchin': The shoes are awful.
Land Mine: It's like 70's rocker. At least it was something.

Branch H2O: This is a great look for a tall lean guy, but not for Tiki.
Ms. Place: The Vampire Lestat in the 21st Century. Actually, the model looked better in his skivvies. Boyfriend or not, I would have touched him.
Land Mine: He looks like an elf. All he needs is shoes that turn up at the toe.

Ms. Place: This is a bitchin Euro macho look. Love it.
Branch H2O: This would look good on a tall German, but not on 5'9" Tiki.
Major Bitchin: I love the look, but Branch is right.
Land Mine: Too metrosexual for my tastes.

Branch H2O: Overall this was different. I liked it. Well, ok. The little pocket thing and the shirt - too feminine. 80's fem.
Major Bitchin': I liked the colors. Bronzes. It would have helped if it was finished.
Land Mine: I kinda liked it, but I kinda don't.
Ms. Place: Oh, puhlease. Hideous. No self respecting man would wear this.

Carmen: Auf'd
Miss Thing: Oh My God.
Branch H2O (shaking his head): What a hot shitty mess. Oliver Twist morphed into a mad golfer.
Ms. Place: Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof disguised as the Pied Piper. And look at those shoes!
Land Mine: What was she thinking?
Major Bitchin': She didn't have a clue.

Jack, Winner
Ms. Place: Meh.
Land Mine: I don't like beltless pants. I think they look cheap.
Branch H2O: This should have won. It's American, it has edge, and it's well made.
Major Bitchin': At least he used a shirt fabric with a pattern. It adds some excitement.

Ms. Place: Aren't these men cute? I'll admit, the outfit looked great on Tiki and it was perfect for The Today Show.
Next week the designers will work in teams. The claws are out already! Let the fun begin.

Slogan Generator

Want to come up with slogans like these? Try the slogan generator below. I toyed around with Project Runway terminology:

Make someone happy with a Gunn.
Discover the Heidi Ho difference.
Whenever there's a snack gap, fashion fits.
Makes you feel runway again.

Two other slogans I generated: "Give the dog a beer" and "Feel the raw, naked entrail of the road." Ha!

Have You Had Your Elisa Today?

Enter a word for your own slogan:

Generated by the Advertising Slogan Generator, for all your slogan needs. Get more elisa slogans.

Nov 27, 2007

London to Brussels via the Chunnel

Well, I've done it. I just booked a one-way ticket in early February from London to Brussels. It will take 6 1/2 hours to get to Amsterdam (my final destination) from start to finish and it isn't cheap ($350 one way), but so what? My brother and his wife will be leaving from Heathrow at the same time, taking the plane to Schiphol Airport. I am willing to bet that they'll only beat me to the hotel near The Dam by an hour or so, and that I'll arrive feeling less ruffled and having seen more interesting stuff along the way.

Has anyone taken the Euro Star underneath the English Channel? Want to tell me what it was like? I know, I know. Dark.

Nov 25, 2007


Oscar Schindler (with those he rescued)
Martin Luther King
1964 Alabama Freedom Riders

Mahatma Ghandi

Rosa Parks

Billie Jean King

Ayaan Hirsi Ali

Student, Tianenmen Square

Buddhist monk in protest of Vietnamese War, 1963

Burmese Monks, 2007

Nov 22, 2007

Around the Thanksgiving Turkey: Dishin' Project Runway

How cool was it to see the designers reactions when SJP walked in the room as the fashion icon? Not only was girlfriend knowledgeable and charming, she knew exactly what she wanted for her new clothes line, Bitten.

There was no dishin' around the water cooler with the regulars this week since our office is closed until Monday. However, my nieces and I sat back after Thanksgiving dinner and discussed this week's outfits. No one in my family had seen this episode of Project Runway, so their reactions are based solely on the photos. Becca and Mouse, both young fashionistas, shared a few spirited words. Other family members jumped in as well. Without knowing who won or lost, their assessments were remarkably close to the judges'.

This week's commentators: Mouse, Becca, Ms. Place, Big Daddy, and Muffin.

Victorya (Winner) and Kevin
Becca: This looks like a fun dress to go out in.
Big Daddy: Sexy!
Mouse: Hate the boots. Looove the outfit.
Muffin: Hate those shoes. Just sayin'.
Ms. Place: Love the outfit, and the boots, but you need great legs to carry this off. Plus a zaftig woman might tend to look pregnant.
Muffin: Or like a cannon ball.

Rami and Jillian
Becca: Cute, but it looks so every day.
Mouse: That headband needs to go.
Muffin: Too blase.
Ms. Place: Hey, look! It's Captain Janeway from Star Trek Voyager going on a Klingon shopping expedition. Seriously, I'm so over big tops, leggings and ballet slippers that I was rather surprised to see this outfit chosen in the first place.

Marion and Steve
Becca: It looks like a trash bag!
Big Daddy (shaking his head): Sleazy
Mouse: Her face says it all.
Muffin: It's nothing but a shawl.
Ms. Place: Hey Marion, Pocahontas just called. She wants her blankee back. Seriously, the material's wrong, the color's wrong, the belt and boots are too heavy, and the fringes look like wool worms. There's nothing redeeming about this outfit. His sketch looked way better.

Elisa and Sweet P
Mouse: Love the top
Muffin: Nice skirt
Becca: What's with this electric blue fabric all of a sudden? I really like the jacket, though.
Ms. Place: The proportions are off. With the cape she looks like an Aeroflot flight attendant. But I think the dress was GORGEOUS, even with the spit marks.

Ricky and Jack
Big Daddy: She looks anorexic.
Mouse: Yeah, let's feed the model!
Becca: Love that dress. Great belt.
Muffin: I like the look.
Ms. Place: This look rocks from head to toe. The addition of the belt was genius. And yeah, this would look great on many different body types. I thought this dress was a strong contender. And we all thought that if Amy Winehouse adopted this look after she got out of rehab, people would concentrate more on her fabulous vocals.

Christian and Carmen
Ms. Place: (Gagging ) Where to start? I don't get this race car driver/librarian chic look at all and those shoes are so 'secretary.' Christian's delusional wet noodle should have been hung out to dry.
Mouse: Hate that combination of colors.
Big Daddy: Is that a girl or a boy?
Muffin: A drag queen.
Ms. Place: Or a queen who loves drag races.

Kit and Chris
Big Daddy: Funky
Mouse: It's too plain, and I don't like the wedges.
Becca: I could have pulled this outfit together at Target.
Muffin: I hate this look.
Ms. Place: Pardonnez-moi, mademoiselle. Votre Fifi nommé est-il par une chance ?
Fifi: Oui.

Project Runway 4: We'll Miss You, Marion

However, we want to thank you for creating that adorable costume for our hostess at our annual Thanksgiving turkey dinner buffet. What a nice way to remember the holiday!

Nov 18, 2007

Fashion, Not

Is it me, or should girlfriend spend a wee portion of her billions and use a fashion consultant? Why on earth is she still wearing her robe?

Nov 16, 2007

Around the Water Cooler: Dishin' Project Runway

Dahlings, seven of us at work are rabid Project Runway fans and this season we decided to 'Rate the Runway.' Now keep in mind that we adore the designers and that we're merely dishin' their creations not their Talent. All of us agree: Episode One rocked and we loved the fact that the designers got to showcase their talents using the finest fabrics. Nevertheless ... some missed the mark, and some hit the bull's eye dead center.

Comments made by: Miss Thing, Ms. Place, Land Mine, Branch H20, Major Bitchin', Lady Anne, and The Big Cheese.

Land Mine: Is that white shiny thing a handkerchief?
Take it off her chest and stick it under her nose where it belongs!
Miss Thing: 100% Carry Bradshaw.
Ms. Place: Fake cloth flowers should be banned for eternity. I'd rather wear bling.
Branch H2O: I like her. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.

Branch H20: Victorian Dominatrix! LOOOVED it,
especially that beautiful surprise going on in the back.
Ms. Place: That was a bustle ...
Branch H2O: Oh, yeah.
Land Mine: It's a killer in the board room...
Ms. Place: This suit means business.

Group consensus: You could walk into any Target and buy this dress.
Ms. Place: Or JC Penney.

Branch H2O: Wackadoodle
Miss Thing: The waist is too wide. She looks huge.
Lady Anne: Looks all frumpy.
Ms. Place: The shoes are cute. And look, you can see the silver lining.

Land Mine: Punk rocker getting ready to nurse her baby.
Branch H2O: That Bitch at the bar tore off half my dress! Look, my boobie's hanging out.
Major Bitchin: What's up with that pouch of stuff under her arm?
Branch H2O: That's not a pouch. She fell on her desk and snagged some paper clips.

Chorus: We like this one!
Ms. Place: Meh. She looks like a knight's lady in corset armor.

Ms. Place (singing): Tangerine Trees and Marmalade Skies...
Land Mine: 80's redone
Branch H2O: It's so current it's almost passe.
Land Mine: It's so passe it's current!

Branch H2O: She's holding a brace of fish! No, wait - a load of crap.
The Big Cheese: It looks like she's carrying her laundry AND dragging it behind her.
Ms. Place: Me wantz thoze bootzs!
Lady Anne: They don't match the dress.
Ms. Place: That's a dress?

Branch H2O: You can buy this at Banana Republic
Lady Anne: No, at Black and White
Ms. Place: Wack Jack Job

Lady Anne: (Exclaiming involuntarily) Oh, God. That's ugly!
Branch H2O: Spsss, miss, your skirt's stuck in your panty hose.
Ms. Place: I suppose I could kinda, sorta see ... no.

Ms. Place: King Ali Baba, your harem's calling!
Miss Thing: It's Wilma from Buck Rogers gone wrong.
Land Mine: She's a Space Cadet.
Branch H2O: Yeah, 80's space girl.

Sweet P
Branch H2O: "Christmas Time Hefty Cinch Sock"
Land Mine: The latest in maternity wear.
Ms. Place: Love the fabric and colors, but that shape pees me off.

All together now: Wow.
Miss Thing: I want one.
Ms. Place: Love that pouffy drama tumbling down her neck and back.

Rami - Winner, Episode One
The Big Cheese: Gorgeous.
Lady Anne: Oh, look at that fabric, no wonder it drapes so well.
Land Mine: Loved it minus the rose!
Branch H2O: It looks like a soiled toga with a saddle bag on the side.
Ms. Place: I think the dress looked better on the mannequin.

Simone - Auf'd
Ms. Place: Erm, uh. Oh, dear.
Lady Anne: I don't understand that tape measure under her breasts.
And what's with that long ribbon tie?
Major Bitchin': There's nothing redeeming about this; nothing good.
Miss Thing: She sewed up a mess.
Branch H2O: I liked Simone. I didn't want to see her go.

So, fair reader. Do you agree with our assessments or not? All in all we thought Rami's creation earned the win, though we wondered why Chris didn't place higher. As for Christian's second place finish? No one liked those sleeves. Not a single one of us.